ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, March 21, 1996 TAG: 9603210061
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Off the Clock
SOURCE: CHRIS HENSON
In the blues world, everybody has a nickname. In quotation marks.
Take Kerry ``Howlin' Hound-Dog'' Hurley, leader of Roanoke's blues-rocking Thrillbillys, f'rinstance.
Or look at his bandmates on the Thrillbilly's CD ``ROMP!'' Mike ``Mountain Mojo Man'' Maycock, John ``The Riot'' Rice, George ``Geo Storm'' Russell and Paul ``The Commander'' Salvey. Are they kidding?
``It's just for fun,'' Hurley says in his beefy baritone voice. ``I do sometimes howl like a hound dog. I guess it works.''
The CD, recorded at Salem's Flat Five Studios, is indeed quite a romp. It's got a mix of blues, funk and party tunes. All with a great sound. It's an impressive package, especially for a local group.
But it's live and in person where the Thrillbillys really kick up the dust.
``We like to get the audience involved,'' Hurley says. ``It's all about pleasing people.''
The band has a few new faces, including Tom Vermillion, Thom Dorathy and Dave Magraw. These guys are veterans of local Iroquois blasters The Grind and Nastification. They don't have nicknames. Yet.
``When I first had the idea for the band, I was living in Southern California. I had these images of frolicking bluesmen in my head,'' Hurley remembers. ``I thought about everybody wearing different color overalls, maybe having bales of hay on the stage ... ''
Instead, the band just lets its music do the talking. And the message is decidedly turbocharged.
Now, even blues musicians with nicknames have to have a day job or two. If you don't run into ``Howlin' Hound-Dog'' keeping the peace in the Market Building downtown, where he's a security guard, he just might call you up from his telemarketing gig. But that's just a means to his bluesy end.
``A few years ago I sat myself down and I asked myself, `What is your purpose in this life?' And the answer was `I've got to perform. I love to entertain.' That's it,'' Hurley says.
``I'll be playing music until the day I keel over.''
The Thrillbillys will be at Confeddy's on the Market Friday night. Their CD ``ROMP!'' is available at Books Strings & Things and the Record Exchange.
And speaking of the telephone...
Ours was ringing last Saturday morning at 8. My wife answered it, and a young woman said, ``This is Kim. Is Chris there?''
My wife handed me the phone with a strange look and whispered that it sounded like an old girlfriend.
And it was, in a way.
You see, about a month ago we decided to cancel our America Online Internet account, which was growing too expensive for me to spend hours trying to contact people like Sandra Bullock and Tom Hanks, or send e-mail to Matt, who lives two blocks away.
Anyway, Kim ``Annoying Telemarketer Person'' Salyers was calling me at 8 a.m. during the weekend to ask why-oh-why I hadn't come back to America Online. Didn't I know I could get 10 free hours just for signing back up? Hadn't I heard about the incredible new features? Didn't AOL deserve another chance? It was as if I had dumped her, for Pete's sake!
``Look, Kim,'' I said, reassuring, but firm. ``It's better this way. I've outgrown you. I was just using your fancy services and easy access. Don't you see?''
``But, 10 free hours,'' she pleaded.
``Ten free hours won't change the way I feel,'' I insisted. ``Look. It was fun. But it's over.''
We hung up. It took me two days and a gift certificate to Stein Mart to convince my wife that Kim was from America Online and not my high school days.
Alexander Graham Bell once said that if he knew the telephone would interrupt him during dinner he would never have invented the durn thing.
It's a well-known fact that they make special phones that telemarketers use to tell how busy you are before they dial you up. They can tell when you've just sat down for dinner. They know when the water in the tub is just right. And they can catch you seven minutes from the end of ``Bridge on the River Kwai'' without blinking.
This is the same technology that judges how urgent your call to your HMO is before putting you on hold for 45 minutes. The taped voice says, ``Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line for the next available customer service representative.'' But what they mean is, "We're experimenting on you to see how many times you can listen to `Two Tickets to Paradise' without hanging up. ``Hang in there.''
Then you get voice mail.
And what about this? I get 10 calls a week from Visa wanting to give me a new credit card. But, when I call up Visa with a question about the card I already have, it's yet another 45 minutes of ``Two Tickets to Paradise.''
Here's what I think: All of the telemarketers who work for AT&T and Visa and Sears should quit and get jobs where they're needed - answering the phones at Trigon, Bell Atlantic and the IRS. Obviously those places don't have enough people to answer the phone. There are too many people calling and not enough people answering.
In the meantime, I'll just tell them my name is Chris ``No, I'm Not the Person in Charge of Making Long-Distance Service Decisions'' Henson.
And then I'll give them my voice mail.
LENGTH: Medium: 99 lines ILLUSTRATION: GRAPHIC: color graphic by ROBERT LUNSFORD/STAFFby CNB