ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, March 25, 1996 TAG: 9603270088
SECTION: NEWSFUN PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: NANCY GLEINER STAFF WRITER
It's your turn at bat and there are two outs . . .
Time for the math test ...
That girl/boy you think is so cute is walking toward you ...
Your palms are getting sweaty; you feel as if butterflies are fluttering around in your stomach; your breathing speeds up; your legs feel weak.
You're stressed.
Everyone feels that way sometimes. It's part of being alive. Kids show signs of too much stress in different ways. Some get stomach aches; some cry a lot; some decide they're stupid; some get into trouble and don't know why; some worry all the time.
Believe it or not, it you didn't have stress, you'd be bored - you'd never do anything new, make friends or learn new skills, such as playing sports or music.
``Stress is what we experience when we're called on to solve a problem,'' said Dana C. Ackley, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Roanoke County. ``We can't control everything in our lives, but we can control how we [react].''
Ackley described a cave man who comes face-to-face with a saber-toothed tiger. ``If we were still cave people, we'd either fight the tiger or run. We'd have to act quickly or we'd be lunch.
``Most of the time, the stresses we face are not things we can run away from. We have to learn to be calm, control our breathing, relax. There's no quick way to learn this. You have to practice. You gotta do your homework.''
The result will be a better way to deal with stress and one that can help solve whatever problem is bothering you, he said.
A lot of kids already know ways to help them feel better when they're sad or stressed. Jeremy Adams Jones from Max Meadows watches a movie such as ``Ace Ventura.''
``When I feel sad I try to get my mind off it by thinking about something else ... ,'' wrote Chad Dales of Roanoke.
Wesley Barnwell of Rocky Mount draws. Alisha Looney of Rocky Gap goes outside and talks to her dog. Silvana Gwynn listens to the radio.
Some kids, such as Hannah Abbott of Hillsville, like to be alone.
There's a simple way you can learn to calm yourself. Get comfortable, maybe put on some music - Nirvana or Bush won't help. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath coming in and going out. Breathe deeply and slowly. See if you can slow down your breathing. You are controlling it.
Think about a peaceful place - maybe the beach or the woods - a place that's quiet and that makes you feel good. Feel your body relax and your mind and emotions become calmer. Stay in that peaceful place until you want to leave. It may be two minutes or 20 minutes. Slowly, open your eyes and see how you feel.
Now, here's the real test of how well you've done your homework. You're up at bat. There are two outs. Your parents are in the stands; your teammates are on the bench, yelling at you to get a hit.
Instead of feeling all those signs of stress, take yourself back to that peaceful place, even for a few seconds. Slow your breathing. Instead of thinking the worst, think about making something good happen for you. ``I feel like I'll get a good hit today,'' not ``Oh, no, I might strike out.'' ``I will do my best on this test,'' not ``What if I don't get a good grade?''
Step up to the plate, feeling calmer and more confident.
Jimmy Johnson, who coached the Dallas Cowboys football team, never told his players not to fumble; he told them to hang onto the ball. Instead of getting them to think about what not to do, he helped them think about what to do.
Now you're sitting down to practice the piano and you hate it - not just the practicing; you hate playing it, practicing it, everything about it. Your parents are really proud that you're taking music lessons and you don't want to hurt their feelings - but you hate it. That's stress.
How to deal with it? Talking. Sit down calmly and let them know you've tried your best, but playing the piano (or whatever it is) makes you unhappy. If they won't let you stop, maybe make a deal with them. You'll try your best for a certain amount of time and then, if you still hate it, they'll let you stop.
Parents really want you to be happy, but, sometimes, their ideas of what makes you happy are not the same as yours. That creates stress.
Ackley had some advice for helping you deal with too much stress. These would be good to share with and talk to your parents about:
``Don't try to do everything. Some kids take too many lessons and are on too many teams. They don't just relax and play like kids need to do.
``Grow up at your own speed. When everybody grows up, no one can tell whose speed was faster or slower.
``Face your problems one at a time," Ackley advised.
``Remember that everybody has problems, even those kids who seem to have everything. You are not weird if you have problems. You are normal.
``If you have a problem that you work on really hard and still can't solve, talk to someone whose job it is to help kids with problems, such as a guidance counselor or therapist. But talk to your mom or dad about it first,'' he said.
LENGTH: Medium: 91 lines ILLUSTRATION: GRAPHIC: color graphic STEVE STINSON/STAFFby CNB