ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, March 25, 1996 TAG: 9603270090
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Ben Beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I didn't have time to do all the planning this year, but mark March 20, 1997, on your calendars as the date for the first Annual Mulch and Wheelbarrow Festival at my place.
The idea is to have a good time in the outdoors, make new friends, cement old friendships and haul a little mulch if you want to share in the refreshments.
Besides all of this, it is well-known that mulch moving has been one of the great character builders throughout history. I'm pretty sure George Washington took his little wheelbarrow and mulched down any number of cherry trees.
Every festival has to have a visiting celebrity, and I'm trying to get Martha Stewart. I'm sure she has lots of really cute ideas about mulch usage.
I'd rather have Michelle Pfeiffer. She'd draw better, but somehow I can't think of her as a dedicated mulch fanatic.
Of course, dummy. There'll be prizes. You think a guy who has covered every kind of festival there is, or was, doesn't know enough to have prizes?
For example, the drawing for the completely worthless Golden Wheelbarrow Certificate will be held after lunch.
By the way, if you really want lunch, you'll have to bring your own. The pink lemonade and tea cakes I'm serving as refreshments won't exactly stick to your ribs.
Also, if you're as allergic to mulch as I am, it will be your responsibility to bring your own physician, oxygen tank or nose spray.
A word here about the mulch pile itself. It'll be as large as this year's version, which is to say about the size of a modest mountain in the Andes.
I'm not one to mix mulch hauling with dancing girls, but I do think we should have some young women who will dance to a musical composition of mine called "Anthem to the Wheelbarrows of the World."
If I can afford it, each dancer will be pushing a small cardboard wheelbarrow. Kind of gets you where you live, doesn't it?
You can be sure that I'm not bringing in these performers just to draw strong young men to the festival. I'm mixing manual labor with an art form and trying to make sneezing, choking and throat-clutching a little easier to bear.
You'll be hearing more of the details. In the meantime, feel free to bring your wheelbarrow and help me haul a little of this year's mulch.
I'll make iced tea, and we should be done before lunch.
LENGTH: Short : 50 linesby CNB