ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, April 14, 1996 TAG: 9604120048
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: 3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: ELIZABETH STROTHER
I HAD never thought of bullies as children who need help.
Their victims, yes. They need all the help they can get, from other children, parents, teachers, anyone who witnesses harassment or intimidation on a serious scale. But the bullies? They never looked like they needed any help to me. They seemed to have a grand time.
And they do, it turns out. Drat it all. In Jane Brody's "Personal Health" column a couple of weeks ago, psychologists confirmed the worst: Bullies are bullies because it works for them, in the short run anyway. Aggression and physical coercion boost their self-esteem and status, and get them what they want - like your kid's lunch money.
But that doesn't mean they don't need help. Besides making others miserable, bullies do eventually suffer consequences if they don't change their ways. They not only risk growing into juvenile delinquents and adult criminals (which is bad for other people but, presumably, fine with them), they have a hard time finishing school, holding down jobs, having close relationships. They'll continue to enjoy bullying people - the power rush, apparently, just never gets old - but they won't find their behavior tolerated the way it was back in kindergarten.
I've always wondered why it is tolerated. Oh, I know parents can't fight all their kids' battles for them. Learning to stand up for yourself is part of growing up. But people are increasingly aware of the seriousness of harassment in the working world of adults. Can anyone possibly think it's easier for children to cope in school? Too much of what is shrugged off as kids' stuff is just plain meanness that should not go unchallenged, because it's likely to get progressively worse as children get bigger and stronger.
My little niece, Emelie, is the smallest child in her class. Last year, she was in first grade with several bullies who had a lot of fun doing things like grabbing the hood of her jacket and dragging her around the playground. This wasn't tolerated, exactly. When adults saw it happening, they put a stop to it. But while they intervened in particular incidents, they weren't able to stop the aggressiveness that left Emmy - and others, I'm sure - vulnerable to attack at any time.
She responded by vomiting at will, assuring that she could avoid the cafeteria when necessary, and doing uneven work in the classroom. She hated school. This year, Emmy is in second grade with a different group of kids. She has the occasional scrape with a sometimes friend, but is no longer a target of the class bullies, since they seldom see her. She's an excellent student now, and loves school.
She'll be fine. But I wonder who her tormentors' new victims are, and how they're doing. And I wonder what will become of the bullies themselves.
They can be stopped - most of them, anyway. Dr. Thomas Ollendick, director of clinical training in clinical psychology at Virginia Tech, says studies of bullies find that about 60 percent learn to temper their behavior through influences at home, school, church or in the neighborhood. "Sometimes a bigger bully beats up the bully," cutting short one of their careers, anyway.
But without deliberate intervention, 40 percent will go on to be delinquents.
If these bullies are identified early - in kindergarten or first grade - and are given social-skills training as part of a schoolwide intervention program, a little more than half will learn to behave appropriately, Ollendick said.
For those who don't, the next step is more intense family therapy, getting not just the school and family involved but church, recreation programs, social agencies - any group that might help save these kids. About half the families treated are successful, Ollendick said. Some studies show even better success rates: two-thirds to three-fourths.
That leaves 5 to 10 percent, instead of 40 percent, of the little bullies destined to become big bullies. "They go on to become our 14-year-olds who are now being treated as adults in our legal system." Some psychologists say they can be reached with three or four years of intensive therapy, sometimes residential. Sometimes the residence is a correctional facility. Not where any parent wants to see a child end up.
How do parents and teachers know when children's squabbles are to be taken seriously, though? I thought about the kid who, day after day, tried to fight my little brother Jon on the way home from school when he was in first grade. Day after day, our older sister drove the kid off - till the day she told Jon he had to learn to fight back, and let the kid pound him till he did. Actually, they had a brief tussle, got up and walked along home with us, pals from that day on. (This has to be some kind of guy thing.) Sometimes kids do have to fight their own battles, and not all aggressive kids are potential criminals.
Ollendick says parents should use three criteria to judge if their kids are being bullied - or are being bullies: frequency, intensity and duration. "It's common for kids to experiment and even try out being a bully, but they usually desist." So if your child is on the giving or receiving end of some unkindness, ask yourself: "How much interference is it causing? How much distress is it causing?" Don't shrug off too easily the tears - or sneers - of a child.
LENGTH: Medium: 92 linesby CNB