ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, April 17, 1996 TAG: 9604170013
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
For more than 40 years I thought about how nice it would be to work at home. Like a famous writer. Or painter. Or counterfeiter.
I've found it's kind of nice but it does have its drawbacks.
There are no vending machines around the house and it's been years since I've had a bag or two of potato chips that are so greasy it makes you want to cry.
I also miss office bombshells. I'd give a lot to see a real office bombshell again. Or a nice pack of peanut butter crackers.
You don't enjoy the crossword puzzle as much because technically you're not doing it on company time.
It's lonely. The other day I almost called the 800 number for one of those mops that has changed the fate of American women. I just wanted somebody to talk to.
The woman who invented one of these mops is pretty cute, although not exactly an office bombshell.
I doubt I'd get to talk to her if I called the 800 number. I'd just give my credit card number to somebody. That wouldn't be a lot of fun, but it would beat singing to the dog.
I've found that you tend to take naps at 10:30 a.m. and I think this is kind of decadent and I'm glad my mother isn't here to see it.
Don't ever take a nap at 10:30 a.m. It does something to your sense of self and makes you feel all funny when you wake up at noon.
I personally wouldn't buy a major appliance from anybody who does that.
You look at a lot of TV movies while you're waiting for supper or inspiration. Many of these movies were made back when you could light up in your own kitchen without fear of armed reprisal and a lot of the characters smoke.
This is hard on recovering smokers. The other day, Hedy Lamarr lit up and I tied myself to the sofa to keep from going down to the convenience store for a pack of Winston-Light 100s.
You worry about whether the garbage truck will come before you take the can out to the road. I spend Tuesdays listening for the One-Armed Bandit - which is a clever name in Roanoke County for certain garbage trucks.
You also watch for the mail a lot - despite the fact that all you get are bills and begging letters from Robert Redford, who is trying to save the planet. I think.
I haven't gotten anything interesting in the mail since the letter 51 years ago telling me I'd been drafted.
I'll tell you one thing, Otho. Without the garbage truck I'd go nuts.
LENGTH: Medium: 53 linesby CNB