ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, April 25, 1996 TAG: 9604260003
SECTION: PARENTS' GUIDE PAGE: PG-2 EDITION: METRO
Anytime a new member is added to a family, life becomes more complicated. There is one more person to get dressed, washed, and out of the house in the morning, one more bedtime ritual, one more set of needs to be met. Sometimes, it's hard for parents to cope with the new demands.
"The whole trick is planning and organization," said Thayer Walker, director of the Parents' Place, which offers workshops on the subject.
Getting organized is "a commitment," said Steve Strosnider, a professional counselor with Lewis-Gale Clinic.
"What are you saying to your child if your life is chaos? What do they learn when the morning ritual consists of yelling and running around, trying to get things done?" he said.
There are no hard rules about family time management. Every family has to find what works for it.
Dianne Sumney of Roanoke County is the mother of three daughters, ages 10, 6 and 2. She also works four part-time jobs, which take anywhere from 6 to 20 hours a week of her time. She chose the flexible schedule on purpose, she said. "I have got to put the children first."
Every evening, her daughters are expected to choose and lay out their clothes for the next day and get their cereal bowls out for breakfast.
"It's important to get everybody involved," Walker said, and even young children can help.
In the morning, the Sumney children aren't allowed to come downstairs until their beds are made and they are dressed. Their bookbags are packed and ready to go on a bench the family keeps next to the stairs. There is enough time for Sumney's oldest child, Elizabeth, to squeeze in 30 minutes of piano practice every morning, and still be ready before the school bus comes.
Sumney makes a list of things to do every evening, and packs everything she needs into the car the night before.
Although she laughingly refers to herself as "Hitler mom," she admits to being a little more relaxed than another mother she knew who put her children to bed every night in the clothes they were going to wear the next day.
Marybeth Chaconas of Franklin County is a stay-at-home mom who also has three children. She usually makes the trip to Roanoke at least once a day, so she is always on the go.
Her style of time management is more relaxed than Sumney's, but it works for her.
The family usually wakes up when her eldest child, Derek, 6, turns the TV up loud enough to wake the baby. Derek is "an addict" when it comes to TV, so she can "hold it over his head" to get him moving, she said.
"Yelling is part of the mix, too," she laughed.
Usually, while the children are having breakfast, she picks out their clothes.
Plastic bags are very important in Chaconas' system. She puts snacks, changes of clothes, odds and ends for school, and items that need to be given or returned to friends in them.
Even more important are the shelves next to the garage door. Each member of the family has his or her own shelf to put things on for the next day.
"They know where to put their stuff and where to get their stuff," she said.
Chaconas keeps her car keys there, so she never has to hunt for them. Sumney keeps hers attached to her purse or to the diaper bag.
Still, "having two sets of keys is really important," Chaconas said.
For Kay Warren of Roanoke, teamwork is what keeps her family going. Both she and her husband, John, work full time outside the home. She takes their two children to day care in the morning, and he picks them up at night.
While he starts dinner, she puts the baby to sleep. He tucks their 6-year-old son, Drew, into bed shortly afterward.
Like many families, the Warrens lay out the clothes for the next day and try to "get everything done before bed." But "we need to be better at it," Warren said.
Because "you lose half of your brain cells when you become a mom," Warren keeps a calendar in the kitchen with everyone's schedule written on it.
Often, to save time, the two children bathe together, and on weekends, Warren carries the baby around in a backpack while she does the chores, so the baby is entertained while she gets things done.
To make a schedule work, Walker said, you have to be aware of your child's developmental level, and what he or she is capable of. Even a 2-year old can go along with an organized plan, if he or she is made to feel successful at it.
Also, Strosnider said, "be smart about how long it will take you to do certain things," and plan accordingly.
It's also important not to get too wrapped up in a rigid schedule, he said. "It doesn't allow for spontaneity and freedom. There has to be a balance."
Parents need to spend time with their families, he said, but they also need time with each other and time alone.
"If there is a balance, they don't have resentment that bleeds over to their children."
LENGTH: Medium: 91 lines ILLUSTRATION: PHOTO: TIM TREVILIAN. Organizing storage space for son Taylorby CNBhelps Marybeth Robinson of Roanoke stay on top of things.