ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, April 29, 1996 TAG: 9604290088
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A5 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Monty S. Leitch
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
WE'RE CONSIDERING whether the cat might need therapy. Right now, the major sticking point is this: We're pretty sure any reputable cat therapist would want us to do family therapy, and we really aren't prepared to hear what the cat might have to say about us.
"They only give me milk once a day, and sometimes not at all. They've made a bed for me in front of the television, but they don't like it if I pick out another chair, a chair I want to sit in. And they know I hate that stupid `X-Files,' but they watch it anyway.
"But the worst thing is the food. The way they make me eat that cheap, dry food. They know I'm asthmatic, with a delicate constitution, but when was the last time they brought me any canned cat food? A little liver and tuna. A little mixed seafood dinner. Is that too much to ask? It's been months, I can tell you that!"
Never mind the many trips to the vet we've made on this cat's behalf. Never mind the hundreds of dollars we've spent to date on prednisone, aminophylline, and various forms of penicillin for his asthma, his eye infections, his ear infections, his skin condition, his teeth. He'd focus on the food. We're sure of that.
Isn't it always the family members who know how to go right for the jugular? But, lately this cat has been manifesting some unusual behavior. Jumping up and racing wildly from room to room, for no apparent reason. Sitting absolutely still, for hours at a time, staring at the baseboards.
The final straw, though, was when we woke up the other morning to discover that he had left us little, um, calling cards all over the floors of two rooms.
Now, this is a cat who knows how to open the door and let himself out when he needs to go. This is a cat who has a nice clean litter box right there on the back porch.
"It looks like he's been playing with it," we said.
"This, truly, is not your typical cat behavior," we said.
"Maybe he needs therapy," we said.
"Maybe they have a cat psychiatrist on the staff over at Tech," we said. (We know for a fact that they have a cat ophthalmologist, because we've consulted him.) "We know he's not afraid to talk," we said.
"We know he'd lie on the couch." But how much do you suppose cat psychiatry would cost? If it's anything like cat ophthalmology, it's out of this world.
And would it really work? Could it really work? If there's one thing about cats upon which the whole world agrees, it's that they're independent creatures.
"Let's give it a few more days before deciding," we said.
"Let's try milk twice a day first, and see if that assuages his inner kitten." "We could even resort to `Nine Lives,' if worse came to worst," we said.
"Cheaper than therapy," we said.
"Cheaper than a new carpet."
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times columnist.
LENGTH: Medium: 62 linesby CNB