ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, June 2, 1996 TAG: 9605310014
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: the back pew
SOURCE: CODY LOWE
The woman sat in the doctor's waiting room. Her son signed in with the receptionist, then walked back to his seat beside his mom.
On the way, he threw her a pencil he'd borrowed. It hit her in the face, but he sat down without an apology.
It's the kind of rudeness we see all too often with pubescent boys - and girls, too, for that matter. His mother glared at him for a second, then took his bad manners without comment.
She picked up a magazine, and launched into what became a tirade about the inadequacies of her son's school.
She railed against teachers and principal, insisting that "I pay their salaries" and "if they don't like it they can just get the hell out."
As the spouse of a public-school teacher, it was all I could do to hold my tongue.
Judging by their public behavior, even for those few minutes, it seemed obvious to me that this mother and son are the kind of people who make teachers' lives miserable. The woman seemed blind to the boy's inappropriate, even rude, behavior. The boy was being raised in a household where he apparently was taught to do as he pleased and to hell with everybody else.
I thought of those families where the parents yell at their kid. Screaming at him to straighten up. Threatening him. Wondering aloud why he acts the way he does. "I've told you over and over ...''
Those families where Mom and Dad fuss and fume about the lack of "family values" in our culture. Where they support laws "requiring" public-school students to treat their teachers with respect.
In February, when I wrote a column insisting that we cannot legislate respect, I got a couple of letters from people saying I was a liberal idiot who doesn't understand that our troubles date back to the elimination of teacher-led prayers in the public-school classroom and the resulting disrespect for all authority.
This woman and her son are the perfect examples of why a law requiring pupils to stand up when their teacher enters the room would be pointless.
Our public-school teachers do have a responsibility to help teach our children to behave ethically, morally - even politely. But in this area, they are only the helpers.
The primary responsibility lies with us parents. We can say we don't want that responsibility, we can try to shirk it. But we cannot avoid the fact that our children will learn how to behave primarily from our example.
That's their real lesson. The one they will always remember. The one they will mimic.
Ever since Adam and Eve decided to have children, parents have complained about their kids not living up to their expectations. Every generation sees degeneration in the youth coming up after them.
In large part, it seems to me that to whatever slight extent that may be true, the blame should lie with us parents, not with children who are behaving like us.
Parenting is the toughest job I can imagine. If there is anything else that takes greater determination or carries higher risks or is a more solemn obligation, I don't know what it is.
We don't get much help in figuring out how to do it right. While it might "take a community to raise a child," the truth is that a couple of folks called parents - even when one or more of them isn't home - carry the real load.
It's too bad we can't legislate good parenting. I know I could use the help.
LENGTH: Medium: 71 linesby CNB