ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, June 5, 1996 TAG: 9606050003
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 8 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: JUDITH BLAKE SEATTLE TIMES
As we enter one of the most popular months in which to marry, here's something for about-to-be weds to ponder.
You're looking at a lifetime of eating. Together.
Are you culinarily compatible?
It's something to think about, especially if you're in a relationship you hope will last forever.
Chances are you didn't lose your heart because of what your heartthrob likes to eat. But when the courtship is history and you've settled in for the duration, you may wish you'd thought about a meat-and-potatoes issue of couplehood: food.
Consider these tales from the domestic food front:
Health vs. taste
Debra and Eric Boutin of Carnation, Wash., came to the matrimonial dining table from opposite sides of the kitchen. Her food priority: nutrition. His: taste. That was only natural, since she was a registered dietitian and he a restaurant manager.
``There were some heated arguments about it'' in their early days together six years ago, admits Debra. ``The more salt and fat [food] had, from his perspective, the better it tasted.''
Says Eric: ``I wouldn't say we fought, but there were times I prepared an unbelievable meal and she either wouldn't eat it or wouldn't let me eat it.''
Both have since made important adjustments. More about these later.
Meat vs. meatless
Sunnie Felt of Bothell, Wash., is a semi-vegetarian. Her husband, Joe, likes meat. That made for some rocky moments at the dinner table early in their six-year marriage.
``We both tried to stay with our own habits,'' recalls Sunnie. They've since worked out compromises, but it's still a challenge.
Dietitians, psychologists and therapists say food differences are far-from-rare contributors to domestic stress.
``Food is such a big part of our lives,'' says Norma Lahainer, a mental health therapist. Beside nourishing themselves with food, people celebrate and socialize over food, so it's no wonder food differences cause disputes, she said.
Among such situations are these:
* With one partner on a weight-loss diet, the other may deliberately or unconsciously sabotage that diet by bringing home tempting treats. Why? One possibility: Counselors say the nondieter may be avoiding his or her own weight or health problems - problems spotlighted by the partner's diet.
* One partner loves to try out different restaurants or ethnic foods; the other prefers to return to the same place or kind of food time after time.
* One partner likes to set the table and sit down to a meal and conversation; the other would rather eat in front of the TV.
* A health-conscious partner tries to micromanage what the other eats, causing rifts.
The latter situation sometimes arises when a husband gets orders from his doctor to lower his cholesterol, says Peter Fehrenbach, a clinical psychologist.
The worried wife - most often the home cook - may become understandably assertive about serving heart-healthy food, to the point that the husband objects.
``A struggle ensues over food and changing long-established patterns,'' says Fehrenbach. ``And so often there's a denial [of the health problem].''
``It's a mutually difficult situation. She's trying to do what she thinks is right and important and healthy,'' while the husband tries to retain some autonomy in that most basic and pleasurable of activities, eating.
Because it's ``incredibly difficult for people to modify their diet,'' he counsels the health-conscious partner to ``let go a little'' about the other's eating habits.
Counselors say strife also arises when a partner - most often the husband - constantly pressures his overweight wife about her diet.
Whatever the food issue, Fehrenbach has this advice:
``Try to see the other person's point of view and understand and not dismiss it because it's different from yours. The more you can understand, the more you can tolerate it.''
The Boutins have done some of that. Debra now eats a little of the beef and pork that Eric likes, recognizing there are lean cuts of these. And she's learned to pile more vegetables onto her plate rather than fuss about a dish she considers less healthful.
Eric, meanwhile, has changed jobs and food focus. He's now food-service manager for a school district and says he's committed to serving the students lower-fat, healthful meals.
At home, where he does most of the weekday cooking, he's also preparing lighter fare, having learned much, he says, from Debra.
Still, some evenings he'll dine on steak while she chooses skinless breast of chicken.
Finally, there are cases where food differences actually sweeten domestic life. Consider Alicia Colovos and Soloman Fikade. Her heritage is Greek, his Ethiopian, and both are passionate about - and avid cooks of - the cuisines they grew up on.
So are they worlds apart at the dining table? Far from it. Says Colovos, ``We each love the other's food.''
When you're cooking for just two, the biggest challenge may be cutting back on those dual temptations for twosomes: takeout and eating out.
Somehow, the fuss of cooking seems easier to skip if there are only two of you at the table.
Still, the advantages of home-cooked meals are hard to ignore. Better-tasting, often healthier food, for one. And lower cost, for another.
And if cooking for only two, or even one, sometimes seems not worth the trouble, remember this: Pleasing two palates is easier than pleasing more, and you're more likely to get exactly what you want than your friends in bigger households.
And, of course, there's the taste of romance in a dinner for two - a spicy possibility not to be overlooked.
A few hints on everyday cooking for two:
* Keep a well-stocked pantry - a good idea in a household of any size. It means less running to the store, quicker meal preparations and less temptation to grab a pizza on the way home.
* Plan ahead, for the same reasons. Planning ahead also helps you use up fresh produce instead of letting it spoil - a problem in small households.
* Control your impulse to buy more produce than you can use up quickly. This may mean sometimes using frozen vegetables when they'll work well in a recipe.
* Keep the fish counter in mind. You can often buy fish and shellfish in exactly the amounts needed for one or two.
* Instead of lamenting the leftovers that seem inevitable in cooking for two, take advantage of them. Use leftover cooked rice in a different recipe the second night. Turn a leftover pasta dish into lunch the next day.
* Prepare make-ahead dishes like Moroccan chicken (the recipe is on page 8). Freeze, then thaw and serve on those days when you'd rather not cook. Make oven-prepared recipes to free you up while dinner cooks.
* Find a good cookbook for two or one. Some possibilities: ``Healthy Cooking for Two [or just you],'' by Frances Price (Rodale Press, $27.95); ``20-Minute Menus,'' by Marian Burros (Simon and Schuster, $12); and ``The 15-Minute Single Gourmet,'' by Paulette Mitchell (Macmillan, $23).
* Or find some resources who know more than a little about relationships in the recently released "Love and Dishes: The Soap Opera Cookbook" (William Morrow and Co., $17.95). The pleasant little compilation, edited by Soap Opera Weekly senior editor Irene Krause Keene, contains brief bios of and mostly predictable easy-to-prepare recipes from some favorite soap stars. A couple of good choices for couples are the seductive-sounding creevey from Thom Christopher, formerly Dante Partou of "Loving," and the spicy King Ranch Chicken, which Rebecca Holden - formerly Elena Parsons on "General Hospital" - claims guys love. "You can give them leftovers to take home, and they'll think of you for days afterward," Holden says.
Food Editor Almena Hughes contributed information to this story. Recipies: MAKE-AHEAD MOROCCAN CHICKEN< KING RANCH CHICKEN< JELLED CAFE CREEVEY
LENGTH: Long : 146 linesby CNB