ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Friday, June 14, 1996 TAG: 9606140021
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Friday Something
SOURCE: NANCY GLEINER
No fathers and sons ever bonded by going shopping together at the mall. So, what we've ended up with are men who know so-and-so's earned-run average but who don't understand why wearing plaid shirts with striped shorts makes people (particularly women) look at them funny.
So, here are some hints that might help you wear that tie or article of clothing (with a golf or fishing motif) you're going to be receiving a few days from now:
* Your socks should never be funnier than you.
* Turning up the collar on a knit shirt is appropriate only when imitating Katharine Hepburn.
* Loosening your tie does not make you look sporty. It makes you look drunk.
* Jeans shouldn't be paired with a dinner jacket. Sure, big stars do it. They also buy big houses near fault lines atop hills prone to mudslides.
* Don't wear red, white and blue unless you're in a marching band.
* Old ski-lift tickets are not a fashion accessory.
* You've been neglecting things when the word ``tank top'' takes on new meaning.
* When buying pants, look at your butt; everyone else will.
Maybe the real way to enjoy the day is to relax in your recliner - wearing your plaid shirt, striped pants and funny socks.
Happy Father's Day! |Source: ``Paisley Goes With Nothing''
LENGTH: Short : 40 linesby CNB