ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, June 19, 1996 TAG: 9606190021
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Thomas Jefferson was trying to get the wine elevator in the dining room at Monticello on the Other Side to work right when the rider came up the mountain.
It had not been a good day. The calendar clock was making clunking noises, and the fog was too thick to use the spyglass to see how construction was going down at the university.
"Well," the Sage of Monticello said briskly, "I'd say you took your own good time getting here."
"Aye, Master Tom," the rider said, "but this be uh monsterous, man-killin' fog, beggin' yer honor's pardon."
"Out with the news from Over There, sir, if you wish to leave this mountain unharmed," Jefferson said.
"I tek thet tuh meen thet yer honor wants tuh know whut's new Over There as per-tains to his own persunidge," the rider said.
"Obviously," Jefferson said, sniffing a little, although he knew this was not very democratic of him.
"Well,sor," the rider said, "tuh be quick an' tuh th' pint, they be talkin' purty hard about these here letters whut showed up indy-kating yer honor hed another light of yer life thet nobuddy knowed about, if you doan tek no off-ense, sor."
"Angelica Church," Jefferson said. "Those letters should have been burned. Is all of my afterlife to be nothing but tyranny?"
"Minny of th' peepul Over There wuz surprised tuh hear about this here lass," the rider said. "Sum uv 'em hev been sayin' they didn't see how yew hed all thet time fer inventin' an' writin' whut with yer honor's romancin' an' all."
"And who is the author of this latest conspiracy against my good name?" Jefferson asked. "Goodness knows all men have their harmless dalliances."
"Aye, yer honor," the rider said, "in this here case it wuz th' yooniversity itself whut paid out uh lot uv money tuh buy these here letters ree-latin' tuh Miz Church."
"My own academical village," Jefferson said, "conspiring to make me the subject of idle talk and tittering in every salon in the country. Will it never end?"
"They doan hev many of thim say-lons Over There ennymore," the driver said, "but yer honor be right about th' titterin' part."
"Off my mountain this instant, you unschooled rogue," Jefferson said sharply.
"I be goin' fer sure, Master Tom," the rider said. "But I be thinkin' yew ort tuh have paid a little more attenshun tuh yer writin' an' inventin' an' less tuh th' ladies, if ye ketch me drift."
LENGTH: Medium: 55 linesby CNB