ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, June 26, 1996 TAG: 9606260007
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 3 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Ben Beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
We are here today to discuss the latest guilt wrinkle in all that mail you get begging for money.
Lately, a lot of fund-raising folks have been sending sheets of stick-on return-address labels, and if there's one thing most of us can't resist, it's a sheet of those suckers - as long as they don't have kitty cats or cute flowers on them.
To those of us who are not too hot with a computer and ever tried to get a word processor to print a return address in the upper left-hand corner of an envelope, these stickers are treasures.
They even make it easier to send in the car payment.
Some people get nervous paying bills. With a sticker, you don't have to write a return address and the plumber will never know how bad your hand started shaking as you were writing the check.
These things can make you feel better about owing a lot of money to a lot of people.
There are other ways fund-raisers instill guilt, but if you ask me, the offer of a free tote bag with a funny-looking bird on it can't compare to stick-on address labels.
The fund people know the dark side of guilt, and they know that dealing with it (in case you keep the stickers and don't send any money) isn't easy.
It isn't easy, although many of the fund-raising letters include a sentence that says: "Of course, we want you to accept this little gift of address stickers even if you can't help us at this time."
What this sentence is really saying is: "Sure, El Cheapo, go ahead and use the stickers on your bills without sending us a dime. We know the wide-billed honey hatcher we're trying to save will appreciate it, you deadbeat."
I can't get around guilt the easy way by sending money every time a sheet of stickers comes in the mail. If I did that, we'd be broke and hungry and have to move in with one of the kids.
You can handle it any way you want, but I take the stickers that don't have kitty cats on them and put them in the desk drawer.
I take the donation forms and the return envelopes and put them in with all the rest of the bills - which I spread all over the desk on check-writing days.
When I'm paying, say, the electricity bill, I accidentally push the wide-billed honey hatcher papers off the desk and into the Washington Redskins trash can I got for my 40th birthday, and my conscience is clear.
You gotta be careful not to do that to the plumber's bill, though.
LENGTH: Medium: 55 linesby CNB