ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, June 30, 1996 TAG: 9607020014
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: 3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: GEOFF SEAMANS
WELL, GEORGE baby, this is it.
The end of the line.
The last chapter in the book of love.
Splitsville, U.S. of A.
You wanna know why? We'll tell you why. We'll tell the world why.
First off, it's obvious to everybody but you that all of us have an equal right to life, liberty and fun. George, you've taken the fun out of this marriage.
OK, OK, we did all right together for a while. Look, it's not like this is easy to say. But it's our duty to get out of this mess. We owe it to ourselves
Face it, George, you're a tyrant:
We set a few basic rules around here, and you just ignore them.
We try to work out our problems, and you don't even listen.
We think we hear a prowler outside, or somebody gets sick - convulsions within, say. Can we pick up the phone and dial 911? No sirree. You tore out the old phone line, but won't get around to putting in a new one.
We want to make some new friends, invite some people over for drinks, and you say no. But you invite your friends in - whole armies of 'em, just standing around, eating us out of house and home.
We shouldn't have to put up with you:
For letting your buddies get away with murder.
For cutting off our credit at the swap shop.
For taking money from us without permission.
For fooling around - you thought we didn't know? - with the next-door neighbors.
For letting other people interfere with our relationship, if you can call it that anymore.
C'mon, George, get real. You're the one at fault. You've abdicated the responsibilities set out in our prenuptial agreement.
Even as we speak, your lawyers are on the way to try to high-pressure us into signing some cockamamie settlement.
Forget it, George. This is totally unworthy of someone in your position.
Oh, we've tried to get through to you. We've begged and begged. But you just won't change.
All you do is add insult to injury.
We've even talked to your family, our brethren-in-law. They won't listen, either.
Are we serious about this? You can bet your life on it.
We're betting our lives on it. Our fortunes, too. Not to mention our sacred honor.
First voice: "This looks OK by me, guys."
Second voice: "It's cool."
Third voice, above the chorus of voices echoing agreement: "Well, let's John Hancock this sucker. I've got another meeting in 15 minutes."
Sounds of scribbling, as quills meet parchment.
Fourth voice: "I'm outta here."
Fifth voice: "Me, too. Ciao."
Sixth voice: "I'm history."
LENGTH: Medium: 64 linesby CNB