ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Friday, July 5, 1996 TAG: 9607050034
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Friday Something
SOURCE: NANCY GLEINER
Can't you see it now? A huge purple dinosaur balloon named Barney (think the Macy's Day parade times 1000) floats on a tether high above Earth, singing ``I love you, you love me ...'' Alien space ships hurtling toward us are forced to return to their home planet, repelled by the saccharin sounds.
Well, that's the way some people see it. When Sam Giles, a DJ on WROV-AM, asked people what song they thought would drive alien intruders away, Barney's name popped up. In all fairness to His Purpleness, Yoko Ono's name was mentioned the most. Perhaps the high and the nasal are just too much for extraterrestrial auditory devices.
``MacArthur Park,'' ``Mandy'' and anything sung by Paul Anka or Pat Boone were also mentioned as music that would make UFO inhabitants think twice about landing here.
Earthlings calling in to Giles' show and those responding to a national survey taken by 1-800 Music Now agreed that ``Achy Breaky Heart'' would make space invaders turn tail (or the equivalent body part) and head for home.
What an easy way to reduce the Pentagon's budget!
When Giles asked listeners which CD they would take with them if they had to escape Earth because of alien attack, music by Pink Floyd was the most common answer. Of course, the blinking red light on the front of the group's new CD might have something to do with that. Could be used as a signaling device to phone home later on.
The musician people in Music Now's survey also expressed a wish that Madonna (and child) would be abducted by aliens. And Michael Jackson was most thought to have been an alien in a previous life. That could explain a lot.
If aliens took over the radio stations, Music Now respondents figured they'd most likely play classical music. Well, humans have always believed that if somebody is out there, they're probably pretty highbrow.
LENGTH: Short : 41 linesby CNB