ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, July 25, 1996 TAG: 9607250004
SECTION: NEIGHBORS PAGE: N-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BETTY HAYDEN SNIDER STAFF WRITER
J.R. Bailey had dropped off some of his daughter's blood samples at the hospital when his beeper went off. He met her doctor, who also had been paged, at the elevator.
"Her breathing has changed," Bailey recalled the doctor telling him. His 7-year-old daughter, Tabatha, had been fighting a rare form of cancer called neuroblastoma for almost two years.
He and the doctor arrived at Bailey's ex-wife's Vinton home in time to be with Tabatha when she died that Monday, surrounded by her mother, brother, both sets of grandparents and a pastor. The night before, on June 9, the entire family had celebrated what Tabatha knew would be her last Christmas.
Tabatha enjoyed the festivities, but "she was in so much pain," J.R. Bailey said. "It was hard for me to leave that Sunday night because I was afraid she wouldn't make it through the night."
Since Tabatha's death, it has taken awhile for J.R. to find his way again.
"I had such a tremendous feeling of not knowing what to do with myself," he said. "I don't know what to do with myself a lot of evenings."
For two years, Bailey and his ex-wife, Debbie Bailey, who divorced in 1990, devoted most of their time to Tabatha. J.R. said he saw Tabatha as often as he could. Debbie Bailey, an X-ray technologist at Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital, worked 16-hour shifts every weekend to give her more time with Tabatha.
Tabatha and her 12-year-old brother, D.J., lived with their mother and her sister, Melinda Hughes, a registered nurse who moved from Tennessee in fall 1995 to help with Tabatha's medical care.
J.R. remembers when his daughter was diagnosed with cancer in the fall of 1994.
"Tabatha was sick on and off that summer ... with stomach pains, joint pains," Bailey said. Doctors first thought she had arthritis, but a specialist at Community Hospital suspected cancer.
J.R. said he'll never forget the doctor's words: "Not to alarm you, but I think we're dealing with something more serious than arthritis."
Subsequent tests found tumors in Tabatha's stomach, and the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, bone marrow and liver.
The doctor told the family, "We need to hope and pray with everything in our hearts that she can overcome it," Bailey said.
Once it was known that Tabatha would need a bone marrow transplant, friends and family set out to raise money to take care of expenses not covered by insurance.
Bailey's colleagues at Appalachian Power Co. and his mother's co-workers at ITT held yard sales, bake sales and other fund-raisers. Debbie Bailey's co-workers at the hospital organized benefit dances and concerts and other activities to benefit Tabatha.
J.R.'s mother, Lee Bowyer, still can't believe how generous people were.
A group from ITT held a yard sale on Plantation Road that raised about $4,500, but the merchandise sold was priced at only $2,900.
The rest came from outright donations and shoppers who paid $10 for 50-cent items, she said. The money was used for some of the insurance co-payments and, in the end, for the funeral, J.R. Bailey said.
Tabatha endured many blood transfusions, radiation and chemotherapy treatments, surgery to remove the tumors and a bone marrow transplant at Duke University Medical Center. Tabatha was at Duke for seven weeks, and J.R. Bailey made it down to North Carolina every weekend.
Through it all, Tabatha never complained about her illness.
She was scared at times, J.R. said, but she remained optimistic.
"She wanted to, and she felt like she was going to, get better." For a time, Tabatha seemed to be right. She underwent the bone marrow transplant in February 1995 and was declared cancer-free three months later.
Things returned to "almost normal," J.R. said. "Everyone in the picture relaxed." Tabatha did all the things she hadn't felt like doing - riding her bike, swimming, going to the zoo.
In August 1995, Tabatha went back to Duke for a checkup. This time, the news was not good.
The cancer was back, and "she was full of it," J.R. said.
The next month, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which grants the wishes of seriously ill children, sent the Baileys to Disney World.
"She was starting to have some pain at that point," J.R. said. "For the better part of three days, I carried her on my shoulders when she got tired."
After the trip to Florida, Tabatha had more chemotherapy to stave off the cancer. The treatments "knocked her system down tremendously," J.R. said.
The side effects of cancer treatments were nothing new to J.R.'s family. His sister, Donna Stewart - a year older than the 37-year-old Bailey - had battled cancer for five years.
The brother and sister were very close, their mother, Bowyer, said. When Tabatha died, Stewart was determined to come to the funeral, which would not have been easy.
Stewart, who lived in Charlottesville with her husband and 6-year-old daughter, had been at the University of Virginia Hospital since February.
Donna's bones had become so fragile that her leg fractured as she sat in her wheelchair and crossed her legs. "Just that little pressure broke her leg," Bowyer said.
The morning of Tabatha's funeral, Donna woke up with black spots all over her feet - probably caused by the medication she was taking, her mother said. She was disappointed that she couldn't attend her niece's service.
She told Bowyer, "If she couldn't be here for J.R., what was the use of going on?" Donna died 11 days after Tabatha did.
"I think Tabatha passing had a big impact on her," said J.R., who was with his sister when she died.
Tabatha's impact on her family lives on. A smile breaks across her father's somber face as he recalls the 7-year-old's infatuation with movie star Tom Cruise.
``I made a point to make sure she saw every movie he'd ever made - including `Mission: Impossible.'''
After visiting Tabatha's grave recently, J.R. and his son, D.J., did something they used to do frequently at Tabatha's request: They sang ``You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin','' the 1960s Righteous Brothers' hit featured in her favorite Cruise film, "Top Gun."
Tabatha knew the song by heart.
LENGTH: Long : 120 lines ILLUSTRATION: PHOTO: 1. The Make-A-Wish Foundation, which grants the wishesby CNBof seriously ill children, sent the Baileys, including J.R. and
Tabatha, to Disney World. 2. J.R. Bailey and Tabatha pose at a
shopping mall photo booth in Durham, N.C., the weekend she was
admitted to Duke University Hospital for a bone marrow transplant.
color. 3. File. Tabatha, 4 years old and not yet diagnosed with
cancer, enjoys an outing with her mother, Debbie Bailey, at a
festival at Victory Stadium in 1992.