ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, August 19, 1996 TAG: 9608190133
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Ben Beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I think that by the time the election is over, a lot of us are going to be sorry that Jack Kemp, the Republican nominee for vice president, used to be a quarterback.
This is not to say there's anything wrong with being a quarterback or a candidate for vice president.
The thing is that we're going to be overwhelmed by football imagery and language for weeks.
And there is something wrong with footballese.
I can never forget, for example, a color commentator's words about an injury to the starting Redskins quarterback. He said: "The city of Washington are holding their breath."
Somehow, the English language survived.
Already Kemp has been photographed throwing a pass. His fingers were not on the laces, as old Bobcats were taught they ought to be, but let that go.
The media encourage such behavior, and politicians like to appeal to the media. That is why we are likely to hear that one candidate or another has run to the strong side, up the middle, called a naked reverse or has claimed that his opponent will be looking through the air hole in the side of his helmet by the two-minute warning.
It may get to the point at which the networks bring in their sports people to comment on politics:
"Well, Dick, it appears Bob Dole's choice of Kemp as a running mate may have touched a segment of the population that has showed no great voting strength before. Namely, the couch potatoes."
"Oh, myyyyyy! The feeling here is that the couch potato electorate will be aroused as never before and everybody knows there are more couch potatoes than informed voters. You have to wonder, though - with the football season in full swing in the weeks before the election - whether these guys will leave the TV long enough to register and vote.
"There are also some Republicans on the sidelines who are afraid that as the clock winds down, Kemp will want to call his own plays. Back to you, Tom."
The GOP can avoid all this damage to the American political system by insisting that what an amateur sports writer I used to know called "the pickle-shaped pigskin" should have no part in the campaign.
But this isn't going to stop the GOP spin people from suggesting to the couch potatoes that Democratic Vice President Al Gore couldn't throw a tight spiral on his best day.
Personally, although I don't take sides in politics, I doubt that Gore has a very good arm.
LENGTH: Medium: 54 linesby CNB