ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, September 18, 1996 TAG: 9609180062
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: ben beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I wish those people would just get it through their heads: I am not now, nor have I ever been, interested in paying $34.50 plus $3.88 postage and handling for a book about the Beagles in this country.
I don't care how my forefathers came to this country or why. I think some of them came here because they were spies for the king and some of their neighbors didn't like that very much.
I've also suspected they were fugitives from justice, and you can see what would happen to your credit rating if a thing like that got out.
I also don't care at all about "a unique heraldic blazon awarded to an early Beagle" - unless this guy left me some money, which I doubt. I just hope he was sober at the presentation banquet.
I also don't know what a "unique heraldic blazon" is.
I am not exactly on fire to know what routes the Beagles took as they migrated about the country. I already know we migrated from Waynesboro to Radford.
I don't care about "historic landmarks and places across the country that bear the legacy of the great Beagle name."
B.T.'s Restaurant in Radford once named a sandwich after me, and that's enough of a legacy for old yours truly here.
Actually, the mail brought two offers for two different Beagle books the day I was waiting for my monthly package of crossword puzzles to come. (The puzzles came later and, as usual, I cheated by looking at the answers.)
One letter was addressed to "Dear Ben" and the other to "Dear Benjamin." The Ben book was called "The Beagles in America: From 1790 to 1996." The Benjamin book was titled "The World Book of Beagles."
We are talking here about a two-book outlay of $79.76, which would go a long way toward buying this power painting outfit I've been wanting.
(Certain family members have said it would take well into the next century to clean up the mess I would make with a power painter, but people are always underestimating Beagles.)
Enclosed with the letters were pictures of families Bob Dole and Bill Clinton would love. These people are smiling and apparently enjoying one of the Beagle books.
Why do I think the Smiths in America might have got the same pictures and the same letters with minor changes? Or the Hefflebenders? Or the McCoys?
I'll tell you one thing, the Beagles I know couldn't afford clothes and furniture like that.
Not to mention the orthodontist.
LENGTH: Medium: 52 linesby CNB