ROANOKE TIMES 
                      Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times

DATE: Wednesday, September 25, 1996          TAG: 9609250031
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1    EDITION: METRO 
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE

PETS GIVE ME MANY REASONS TO GET UP IN THE MORNING

I've heard enough about this theory that having pets can reduce stress.

They say pets allow you to relax while petting them and saying things like: "Duz Wittle Sweetie Snookums want hiz boney-poo?"

People who believe this never knew our late dog Skeeter, who was criminally insane and conspired against us all the time.

Or our live cat Judy, who gets hungry at 5 a.m. and screams for her ration of canned food, the smell of which gives you a good deal of pause that early in the morning.

Judy's feeding is not easy. To keep her out of harm's way, she is fed in the kitchen window away from resident or visiting dogs. It's worked pretty good as far as Judy's safety is concerned. She'll be 16 next month. I may never see another St. Patrick's Day.

Judy likes to have a few bites, jump down and meow to be put back in the window. This is not good for your nerves.

She jumps down just as the latest report on the location and strength of your favorite hurricane is being reported by the Weather Channel. You can't lift a cat into the window and watch TV at the same time.

A hurricane could be coming ashore at Boones Mill and I'd never know it.

I should mention that Judy had thyroid surgery a couple of years back, and I was extremely stressed by the bill.

There's our dog Millie - the kind of animal to help you forget the cares of the day as you both sit on the back steps and Millie sniffs the air and the wind blows her lovely, glossy coat about.

Nope. Millie has a terrible disease that really works on her coat. She takes steroids, antihistamines and antibiotics. She also takes a drug for another infirmity we won't mention here.

Every year she loses the hair on her tail. You watch a large, red-colored dog with no hair on her tail for a while and see how stressed out you get.

I don't sit on the back steps with her anymore. I worry that the wind might get strong enough to blow her coat right off her body.

She's had major surgery twice for growths on her body, and waiting for the pathology report on your dog is not all that calming.

So, I'll never be a happy old man like the one in the dog food commercial, petting his dog and getting sedated.

I have to go. Time to check the old blood pressure with our use-at-home device that sometimes suggests I should have checked out last Tuesday.

LENGTH: Short :   50 lines