ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, October 21, 1996 TAG: 9610220049
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-7 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: MONTY S. LEITCH
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
YESTERDAY I was listening to some kids talk about getting up in the morning. ``Would you believe,'' the conversation started, ``I went back to bed this morning, and when my mom, like, started screaming at me, it was 7 a.m.?''
``Oh, right,'' said another. ``Did you have to walk to school?''
Now, this is just one of the vast differences between the world these kids inhabit and the one in which I live; they have to get up in the morning. Self-employment is poorly paid, but you do get to set your own hours. And my hours seldom start much before 9 a.m.
``So have you ever,'' one of the kids said then, ``waked up and looked at the clock, and it says 11:45, but you think it says 6:45, and so you get up and take your shower and get all dressed and everything, and then your mom, she goes, like, `What are you doing out of bed, it's midnight? Go back to sleep!'''
Well, no, the others said. They've never done anything like that.
But there was this one time, see, when these headlights were shining into the bedroom? And this guy, well, he thought it must be morning, see, because of all the light? And so he ...
``Write,'' I said to these kids, for that was our purpose together. ``Write your stories.''
``Stay on task,'' one mocked me primly.
What can you do? I laughed.
``So, like, this is the funniest joke I've ever heard,'' began the next interruption.
``Oh, that joke is so un-funny! My dad told her this joke, see, and ... ''
``Tell it! Tell it!''
``I'll tell it.''
``No, I'll tell it. Well, there's this guy, see. And he has this screw in his bellybutton. And, like, he really hates this screw. He wants to marry this girl, but when he asks her, she goes, `No way! You've got a screw in your bellybutton!' So, one night, he goes to sleep and he has this dream, see, and this big, giant screwdriver comes down out of the sky and it, like, unscrews the screw in his bellybutton. And he's so happy, he goes, `Oh, wow!' when he wakes up and sees this screw on the floor. And he jumps out of bed ... and his butt falls off.''
Well, it takes a while for things to calm down after that. ``Put the joke in your stories,'' I tell them.
``That joke? That joke is so lame!''
``Do it,'' I say. Make everything a learning tool. Isn't that what a good teacher's supposed to do? I mean, like, a really good teacher? Ha, ha, ha.
They work awhile longer. They read their stories, every one of which includes, in some way, a man with a screw in his bellybutton. We all groan and giggle when we reach that place in each story. They're all terrific.
``It's the funniest thing in the world,'' the original jokester says again. Every time she thinks about it, it makes her laugh. ``Her dad's the other funniest thing.''
Her dad, who's probably 10 years younger than me.
This is the last joke of the day.
Q: What do a grape and a chicken have in common?
A: They're both purple. Except for the chicken.
I laugh. I howl. Even today, 24 hours later, every time I think about that stupid joke, it makes me smile. Like, it's so un-funny.
Ah, the world I inhabit, here in my rapidly-growing-feeble mind! It's so far removed from theirs.
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times columnist.
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