ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, October 27, 1996 TAG: 9610250127
SECTION: BUSINESS PAGE: 2 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: WORKPLACE
SOURCE: LINDA SHRIEVES ORLANDO SENTINEL
Everybody has one - a co-worker who pops gum from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., a boss who has an irritating habit, a regular customer who drives you batty.
Face it: Those people are part of the work world. If you work, chances are you have to deal with annoying people and their annoying habits every day.
And, frankly, at a time when many of us are grateful to have jobs, we tend to grin and bear it through the little annoyances
Sure, workers make up the social fabric of work, but gee - they're such a pain. There's the guy who pops popcorn in the office microwave at 8 a.m. or the woman who spends her lunch hour in the bathroom shellacking her hair with hair spray.
But here's the real problem: How do you tell these people that their habits drive you CRAZY?
``Let me tell you: It ain't easy,'' said Hank Rothman of Deltona, Fla.
Rothman, who once owned a chain of tuxedo shops on Long Island, N.Y., got his start working as a salesman at a men's clothing store in New York City.
It was a good job, but Rothman had one problem: The other salesman apparently did not use deodorant. And to make matters more delicate, the smelly salesman was the boss' son-in-law.
``He reeked something awful under the arms,'' recalled Rothman, 65. ``Every time I got near the guy, I felt like saying something, but I couldn't find the right words. For months, I couldn't figure out what to say to this fellow, what to do about his armpits, smell, odor. I would lie awake nights, trying to figure out what to say. I even thought of mailing him deodorant.''
Eventually, Rothman came up with a solution.
``Finally I said, `You know, Mel, that deodorant that you use on a daily basis? It's not working well for you,''' Rothman said. ``And it worked. He got the message.''
Sometimes, sending subtle hints doesn't work - especially with people who are oblivious to their irritating habits.
A pharmacist at Florida Hospital South has a colleague who talks nonstop. The woman tells co-workers all about her family, her friends, even her pets.
``A subtle approach with this colleague has not worked,'' she said. ``If you walk away and start doing your work, she follows you and keeps talking.''
After eight years of working amid the nonstop conversationalist, she has learned to block out the woman.
``That's the only way to deal with it,'' she said. ``But some days it gets so crazy. I have doctors calling, nurses calling; everybody wants something. And yet I have to hear all these things that I don't want to know - what was for dinner, what the dog did, what the neighbor said, you name it.''
So what can she do? First, say psychologists, recognize that you can't change some people.
``If the habit is part of someone's personality, you can't change them. You're never going to get an extrovert to quiet down, for instance,'' said Orlando psychologist Russel Hiett. ``But you can make an agreement with him. You can say, when I close my door, that means I need to get some work done and don't want to be interrupted.''
In the age of cubicles, however, few of us have doors.
But there are other methods. Hiett once worked with a secretary who kept three flags at her desk to signal co-workers about her mood. The green flag meant that she was open to questions, comments or conversation. The yellow flag meant proceed with caution. And everyone knew what the red flag meant: Don't go there.
But when you create that sort of compromise with an annoying colleague, it may seem like you're doing all the compromising. The secretary, for instance, was bugged when people would interrupt her - so she invented the flag system.
Before you get aggravated, remember that this is a negotiation, Hiett notes. The annoying person's part of the agreement is simple: Stay away during those times.
Sally Hartman tried a more old-fashioned method for dealing with a peevish co-worker. When she worked in the purchasing office at Pennsylvania State University, Hartman's superior was a woman who didn't know the job thoroughly - but insisted that she was always right. Hartman tried to transfer out of the office to another department, but each time her boss blocked her move.
After a while, Hartman opted to do what many workers do in that situation - ignore the boss. If she had any questions, she took them to other people, not her boss.
``I never told her how I felt about her, but when I retired, I told her that she was like the paint on the wall: I politely ignored her,'' said Hartman, 64, who moved to Orlando in 1979.
Ignoring a co-worker who really bugs you may be the old-fashioned way of coping, but it has a downside: You could end up with an ulcer because you internalize all the stress.
Unfortunately, because most of us never learn conflict-management skills, we tend to ignore a nagging situation - instead of doing something about it.
``We don't teach children conflict-management or any other relationship skills,'' Hiett said, ``so it's no wonder that, as adults, we don't know how to approach someone about a problem.''
Decide if it's really a big deal. Ask if it's really worth it, said psychologist Hiett. ``Some people get annoyed over the most trivial things.''
Try writing a letter instead of talking to the colleague. ``People put too much pressure on themselves to have a conversation when they would probably be better off writing a letter,'' Hiett said.
You can write several drafts of your letter until you find just the right phrase. In a conversation, you're stuck after you've uttered words that you regret. Hiett suggests pointing out a few of the co-worker's positive traits. Then you can delicately request a change - or suggest something that might improve the working environment. Keep the letter brief. Hiett suggests sending the colleague a card, which limits your space.
Expect disagreements - particularly if you work in close quarters or a small office. When you don't have anywhere you can go to escape an annoying colleague, tension tends to build up. Hiett recommends that you deal with the tension by talking to the colleague - rather than going home angry and taking it out on your family.
Get to know your colleagues. If you go to lunch with your co-workers and become friends with them, you may be more likely to overlook some of their bothersome habits.
Recognize that you cannot get along beautifully with everyone. ``All relationships, no matter what kind they are, are eventually going to have some sore point,'' Hiett said. ``Don't look for an office where you love everybody and get along really well. You won't find it. You have to deal with the things that make you crazy.''
Talk to the boss if you can't resolve the problem - and if it affects your productivity. Bosses might intervene if they can solve the problem simply, Hiett said. But bosses and subordinates should remember: ``This forces the boss to be King Solomon, and he may end up having to take sides - which will irritate one of the employees.''
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