ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, October 28, 1996 TAG: 9610290007
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Using the very latest technology we have at our house, I recently almost struck a blow for humankind. Which is to say I tried using the "previous channel" button to see most of two football games while missing all of the commercials.
It worked for a while on this brilliant Sunday.
By 2 p.m. - with the exception of a segment of this dumb Levi's spot, which is too complicated to get into in this sentence - I was dodging commercials like crazy.
I had my game face on and had come to play. I faked a time or two by punching in the Weather Channel and Arts & Entertainment.
By halftime, I had seen the Redskins go ahead of the Giants 28-0 and had at the same time largely kept up with what was going on between the Eagles and the Dolphins.
But something happened at halftime.
It may have been overconfidence. Maybe they changed their coverage. Anyway, as the second half began I was clearly not seeing the whole field.
Something happened to the Redskins, too.
Suddenly they began to tackle poorly, block poorly, play the pass and run poorly, and wear their helmets poorly.
Just your average all-American Sunday afternoon with pennants snapping in the breeze, autumn in the wind.
But there was a dark conspiracy somewhere in this pretty picture.
Both channels started having the same timeouts and commercial breaks. The previous channel button wasn't working anymore.
There were many times when both channels were carrying commercials and I got stuck with the entire Levi's deal - in which this guy, some kind of spy, I think, hides a key in this clever watch pocket and the bad guys can't find it.
Oh, yeah, and this is done around a swimming pool and there is a woman in a bathing suit that doesn't have room for any pockets.
I wondered if the spy knew that Lee jeans have this pocket, too. Or that few people have watches to put in watch pockets anymore.
I know how to play the game. You don't whine about getting beat. Sometimes, you just get outplayed and end up watching commercials about denim britches with watch pockets in them.
Still, you can't tell me somebody didn't report to the networks that this old guy in a droopy sweat suit and ankle brace - his chair surrounded by peanut shells and husks - was beating the system with an obsolete remote control.
I gave it the old college try, pal. But I quit. I'm too old for this game.
LENGTH: Medium: 54 linesby CNB