ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, November 4, 1996 TAG: 9611060015
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I'll pass on letting the National Institute of Standards and Technology set my clocks.
I should think the government would have better things to do and, besides, they say you have to have the right kind of computer chip when you want to be switched from daylight-saving to standard time.
My computer doesn't have a chip like that and I wouldn't know where to put it if we had one. My machine is so old, it wouldn't know what to with it anyway.
And this is only going to work on digital clocks - of which we unfortunately have several.
There's the microwave clock that automatically wipes itself out the minute you put a couple of slices of turkey bacon in it. Sometimes I think it hates turkey bacon as much as I do.
There's the alarm clock with the flashlight on the end, but it doesn't count because nobody knows where it is.
There's the VCR clock. I don't want to offend the government, but nobody can set that sucker.
There's the computer clock, which always runs so fast that I've been able to ignore it.
And there's the calculator clock, which I don't worry about because having the correct time doesn't help all that much when you're trying to balance the checkbook. (Yeah, I tried balancing the checkbook on the computer, but I got hives and had to quit.)
We have several other clocks that need you to put your hands on them when they're set.
These include my wristwatch, which lights up when I press this button and tells me it's 3 a.m. again.
And a wall clock in the kitchen with a Frederic Remington scene on the glass. It has always had trouble telling time.
It wouldn't be bad having some help switching the clocks at this time of the year, but I don't want the overweening federal government sticking its nose into my house.
I don't care all that much about the exact time. Listen, I'm always 15 minutes early for dental appointments.
Give those people a foot in the door and they'll be sneaking around checking out your smoke alarm batteries or seeing if you've got radon in your basement.
And let no red-blooded patriot ever forget that the government is responsible for daylight-saving time anyway - another intrusion into the lives of Americans who like to see it get dark at the time God intended.
I wouldn't object a whole lot, though, if the government wanted to send somebody down here to help me balance the checkbook.
LENGTH: Medium: 56 linesby CNB