ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Friday, November 8, 1996 TAG: 9611080048
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV-2 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
TYPE: COMMENTARY
SOURCE: RAY COX
Football was made a mockery of this week.
It was an appalling sight. Shocking. But there it was.
An entire high school football team showed up for work with unauthorized headgear. Completely illegal, it was. Against every football law known to Red Grange, Dick Butkus and the Virginia High School League.
Then, to compound the folly, each team member (not to mention the odd, and we do mean odd, coach) paraded and preened in these hideously tacky hats as shutters clicked and flashbulbs popped.
Instead of play-action passes, this team was executint a grotesque approximation of a fashion show. The howls of laughter bounced off the brick facade of the school as the thin early November sunlight turned the bare spots on the practice field a golden brown.
Even Hat Day, as it was known, wasn't the end of it. The veteran head coach, cackling wickedly, announced that he was changing the offense.
"We're going to put our linemen in the backfield and our backs on the line,'' he confided in a stage whisper.
Radford High coach Norman Lineburg, the man presiding over this delightful mess, has long been celebrated as an offensive mastermind, but this was something altogether different. Purists might have simply considered this exercise offensive.
Lineburg didn't care a whit for that. He was having too much fun. After a man has been inducted into the state high school Hall of Fame, as Lineburg was recently, he's built up some political capital, so to speak.
Bound and determined to spend it, he installed a guard at quarterback, cackling like a gridiron mad scientist all the way.
"Denny Windle, a great intellectual genius, you're my quarterback,'' Lineburg said.
The great intellectual genius with the whistle around his neck and far more than a quarter century on the locker room dirty-towel detail then deployed a bruiser of a lineman, Patrick Manning, at running back.
A scrimmage commenced and appreciative hoots greeted Manning's every steamrolling excursion into the line of scrimmage, pigskin cradled awkwardly in arms obviously not accustomed to such cargo.
The merriment continued later as four of the assistant coaches mimed an instant replay, rolling out to their right on a pitchout, halting in their tracks, then retracing their steps in reverse as though the image were being rewound on tape.
All this was grand fun and of course, none of it had a whole lot to do with football. That wasn't the point. The fun was. That's why they play these games.
Radford isn't going to the playoffs this year and this is the last week of practice. Tonight, the Bobcats play Auburn. Then the uniforms will be picked up.
Down the road at Shawsville, the Shawnees aren't going anywhere for a postseason party, either. They were still working hard this week, as well they should be. Tonight's opponent is mighty Giles, undefeated and glory-bound.
Shawsville is down to its last 18 players. Thus, to run a scout offense to prepare for the famous Spartans single wing, coach Darrell Sutherland and his aides were obliged to step in and take a spot in the lineup.
"Some of us coaches had to slow down a step so the drill looks real to the kids,'' Sutherland deadpanned.
No, the Shawnees won't be going to the playoffs, but that doesn't mean they can't squeeze every last drop out of the last game before they pack it in for the winter. In the meantime, hello Giles.
"We got nothing to lose,'' Sutherland said. "We'll roll the dice and see what happens.''
A story emerged this week from Floyd that detailed the misfortune of an unnamed fan who got so whipped up at a girls' basketball game that his vigorous and frequent applause resulted in a broken bone in his hand.
The basketball Buffaloes are postseason bound, so you can understand the sort of enthusiasm that's brewing in those parts. That's the kind of enthusiasm that can get people so fired up they clap so hard that their bones break.
You don't need the playoffs to love these games, though. All you need is an undefeated opponent, a crazy hat and a guard who is a kingly quarterback for a day.
LENGTH: Medium: 80 linesby CNB