ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, November 14, 1996 TAG: 9611140009
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
DATELINE: BREMERTON, WASH.
SOURCE: ELLIS E. CONKLIN SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
``My name is LauraKate, and I am a slut. Pardon me, I am a recovering slut.''
That's how LauraKate Van Hollebeke began her titillating missive last July to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the nationally syndicated, moral-preaching radio shrink.
The blond-haired, blue-eyed 26-year-old landscape gardener went on to tell the good doctor that she'd simply had it with sex. She would never again climb into bed with a man until the prerequisite "I do's" had been pronounced before a priest.
To make a long story short, Schlessinger, laughing delightedly, read the letter to her faithful millions over the air, and everyone went gangbusters. And now a militantly chaste Van Hollebeke is hopscotching about extolling the virtues of her new Born-Again Virgins of America club, all the while pedaling a line of ``Sexless in Seattle'' T-shirts. Talk-show hosts are eating it up.
It's a great country, all right.
The other day, Van Hollebeke, the animated and highly theatrical product of a large Catholic family, talked about her conversion to celibacy on Feb. 15, 1995. It came after a long series of unfruitful sexual adventures.
``Oh, I loved the sex, and I was pretty promiscuous, a really bad girl,'' she said, her face scrunching from frown to smile, smile to frown.
``I really enjoyed it, yeah. It was great for about 10 minutes, anyway. But then I'd wake up the next day and I'd have this feeling of emptiness. I felt I wasn't getting anywhere, that it was stunting my growth.''
Van Hollebeke, who shares an apartment with a female roommate, says she began her sexual forays at 17 as a high-school student. Later, she went after older men in their 30s and 40s. Most of them she met in bars. A number of them were married.
``I've always been a really good flirt.''
Months after her final night of sex, Van Hollebeke says, she decided she would only date. In her letter to Schlessinger, she recalled that first date with a 32-year-old merchant marine.
``As the evening aged, he had cocktails. I refrained, and then he kissed me. Oh yeah, he tried to kiss me. That's when I got my big chance. I said, `Whoa boy, down boy. I hoped I wouldn't have to tell you this so soon, but it ain't gonna happen, dude. I'm born-again.' He said, `Huh? I thought we were both Catholics.'
```We are, we are,' I said. `What I mean is, I'm a born-again virgin.'''
A month later came date No. 2. They went out for two weeks and often played golf together.
``Finally, he couldn't stand it [not having sex] any longer and said to me, `Hey, LK, I'm not getting any younger. I need to settle down. Have you thought more about marriage?'''
The date proceeded to use an unusual analogy to get Van Hollebeke into the sack.
``He said that he'd need to take me for a `test drive' before we went any further because `nobody in their right mind buys a car without first driving it, and you know, seeing if the leather feels good.'''
That line finished off that young gentleman caller.
Van Hollebeke says she continues to have no-sex encounters with men. She concedes, however, that they've become rather scarce in recent months as she's put all her energies into promoting the wonders of abstinence.
So far, she says, about 100 people have bought the $15 ``Sexless in Seattle'' T-shirts. With a lust for publicity, Van Hollebeke has also hired a public relations and marketing person and she set up a hot line for people to share their tales of sexual woe.
``I've been getting a lot of calls from parents worried about their daughters and asking me for information,'' she said.
Of course, there's very little to impart. The lone tenet of the Born-Again Virgins of America club is pretty simple: No marriage certificate, no sex.
``This is not just a chick thing,'' Van Hollebeke said. ``I'm serious about this. It's all about self-esteem.''
As to her ideal dream man, Van Hollebeke said, ``I am looking for a guy who can wait, because a guy who can wait has integrity.''
LENGTH: Medium: 78 linesby CNB