ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, November 28, 1996 TAG: 9611290099
SECTION: NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL PAGE: A14 EDITION: HOLIDAY
SOURCE: KNIGHT-RIDDER/TRIBUNE
BETWEEN JOBS AND GYMNASTICS, church functions and soccer practice, kids and parents are constantly on the go, except for once-a-week "family nights."
During the holiday season, families count on gathering round home and hearth for celebrations like Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. But what about the rest of the year, when sports teams, fast food and long work hours force families to greet each other in passing?
More and more families are setting aside time each week to be together without distraction - a weekly version of the family dinner hour.
Jill and John Campiglia's children are only 3 and 7, but between gymnastics, religion classes and soccer practice, they're constantly on the go. Except on Friday nights.
That's when the Campiglias insist on a routine rooted in Jill's Jewish faith - the ceremony of lighting candles, singing songs and saying prayers during the Friday meal that is called shabbat. Although John is Catholic, both parents both believe the ritual transmits a sense of closeness and culture to their children.
The Campiglias are part of what one social anthropologist believes is a welcome and vital trend.
``Sharing food is as fundamental as being human, and yet we've allowed this to disappear from our lives,'' said Dr. Solomon Katz, director of the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Research in Child Growth and Development. ``I hope it's a wholesale shift from our attitudes of the past decade, when our priorities about family time changed drastically.''
The religious symbolism of breaking bread is often present in family rituals, Katz said.
For as long as he can remember, Family Home Evening has been a way of life for Tom Nelson, a University of Utah professor on leave for missionary work at the Mormon Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints just outside Washington, D.C.
``The biggest benefit is that the family stays together,'' Nelson said of the practice, which he and his wife have passed on to their four children, six grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. ``We often lose touch with and control of our children during the teen-age years, but family togetherness can keep them on the right path.''
Like shabbat, during Family Home Evenings Mormon families pray, sing, tell stories, and talk about the day's events. Parents counsel children with problems, and the family shares quality communication time.
``The kids knew to say no to football games, parties, or any other activities on Family Home Evening,'' Nelson said. ``Pretty soon, they didn't want to miss it.''
Still, many busy parents of active teen-agers, consumed by studies, sports and after-school jobs, despair of ever getting them to sit still for dinner. Some have turned dining rooms into family rooms or studies, believing that teen-agers don't miss the rituals.
One expert says that's wrong.
``What's misunderstood about young people today is that they have very warm feelings about the family,'' said Elissa Moses, managing director of the Brain Waves consumer research group in New York. During the 1995-96 school year, Brain Waves conducted the largest ever survey on teen-age attitudes through written questionnaires to 27,600 youths around the world.
Moses said they found themes of relationships with parents and family throughout their responses. In fact, most said their No.1 value was a close relationship with their parents, and that spending time with family ranked in the top three.
``Childhood has shrunk for too many kids, and they often feel detached and confused,'' Moses said. ``But our survey seems to suggest that teens would be very open to the suggestion of family activities.''
Like anything, it's best to get kids hooked on a family tradition when they are young.
Allen Nichols was eager to develop a stronger bond with his daughter, Courtney, and to create enjoyable activities at home.
``There are so many things out there to divert a child's attention,'' Nichols said. So he developed the Family Fun Network, a Web site reachable at http://www.ffn.org.
The premise is simple: Provide families with ideas for spending time together. And a special family dinner hour is now one way Nichols and his wife spend time with 7-year-old Courtney.
``She loves candlelight dinners, so we do that often,'' he said. They also let Courtney help make ``family fun foods'' that are easy for children to make, like pigs in a blanket. They play word games and sing songs, and Courtney helps clear the dishes.
``I know this is something she'll always remember, and she'll want to keep the tradition going,'' Nichols said.
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