ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, December 11, 1996 TAG: 9612110078
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 6 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: ANN LANDERS
SOURCE: ANN LANDERS
DEAR ANN: I'm writing to you for two reasons: First, you tell it like it is, and second, I trust your judgment.
My husband asked for a divorce after 25 years of what I thought was a good marriage, so he could marry his young secretary. He left me something that will be with me for the rest of my life - herpes.
My ob-gyn told me that there is no cure for herpes and that I will have to abstain completely when I have an outbreak and use condoms all other times because there might be internal sores that I am unaware of.
A friend recently told me about an intense antibiotic program of six months that clears up herpes completely. She said her doctor told her about it. I find it hard to believe, but I'd be thrilled to hear you say it's true. Please consult your experts and let your readers know.
Now my question that requires mature judgment: When do I tell my new sweetheart that I have this disease? If I speak of it too early in the relationship, he might head straight for the door. If I wait for the romance to grow really strong, he may be furious that I didn't tell him sooner.
Where is justice, Ann? I'm 45 and have been with only one man in my entire life. I need answers.
PAYING FOR SOMEONE
ELSE'S SINS IN
COLORADO SPRINGS
DEAR COLORADO SPRINGS: There is no cure for genital herpes, but with careful management and the drug acyclovir, you can live a normal life. I suggest that you tell your new sweetheart as soon as he shows signs of becoming seriously interested in a physical relationship.
Meanwhile, you need a lot more information than I can give you in this space. The more you know, the better able you will be to deal with the disease. Write to: American Social Health Association/Herpes Resource Center (ASHA/HRC), Dept. PR70, P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, N.C. 27709. Please enclose $1 (don't send cash) for postage and handling. The Internet address is http://sunsite.unc.edu/ASHA/
DEAR ANN: Last spring, I lost my husband to prostate cancer. I feel as though half of my life has vanished. I wish someone had told me what to expect.
You can count on support from family, friends and neighbors for a while, but brace yourself for the questions you will be asked. I was astonished when one woman asked me, only a few days after my husband's funeral, ``What are you going to do now? Move to something smaller?'' Another friend asked, ``Are you going to sell one of your cars?''
Too often, people don't understand the sense of loss a new widow experiences, nor do they realize her need to ``settle in'' before sweeping changes are made. I'd like to offer a suggestion:
It's important to allow some time before making major decisions, such as selling your house. Once it's sold, you'll never again see those bushes and trees your husband planted. They can be a comfort.
Don't dash off to live with your children or be influenced to sell out and relocate to live near your sister. Your relatives have their own lives.
Although those women who asked me such intrusive questions may have intended no harm, they should be more considerate. They don't know when they might be joining our ranks.
NEWLY WIDOWED
IN MISSOURI
DEAR MISSOURI: The Voice of Experience is always worth listening to. Thanks for the wise counsel.
- Creators Syndicate
LENGTH: Medium: 71 linesby CNB