ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, December 15, 1996 TAG: 9612140009
SECTION: BUSINESS PAGE: 2 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: WORKING IT OUT
SOURCE: CAMILLE WRIGHT MILLER
Q: I got an offer from a company I really want to work for and gave two weeks' notice where I was working. On the last day at my old job, I went to get my check. My boss threw the check at me. I didn't know what to say, so I just picked it up and left. Did I do something wrong? What should I have said?
A: When someone acts badly, it's normal to review our behavior to determine if we prompted that behavior. Unfortunately, when reviewing our actions, we often mine them too aggressively to "make" ourselves responsible for someone else's actions.
No matter what you said or did, you are not responsible for someone's act of aggression. And, throwing is an act of aggression.
Aggressive behavior sometimes stems from an individual's inability to articulate feelings, a sense of loss of control and a high level of frustration. The aggressive behavior substitutes for the ability to state feelings and needs.
Because your former boss wasn't being rational, there was little point in trying to discuss his feelings or yours. Initiating a discussion would have risked escalating his behavior. Your choices to minimize the risk were to say "thank you" using a normal tone of voice or to say nothing while retrieving the check. Your actions were appropriate.
Q: My department has low morale because of one supervisor who is crude, cocky and not very smart. We thought the new department manager would solve the problem, but instead his response has been there's nothing he can do and "the only solution is time and people leaving." Productivity is down, resentment is building, and people are actively job hunting - I'm thinking of joining the search. What do you think of this style of (non)management?
A: Peter Wylie and Mardy Grothe, in "Problem Employees: How to Improve Their Performance," note that common among the ineffective tendencies managers use when dealing with difficult employees is simply avoiding the problem. Avoiding the worker and the issue stems from a fear of conflict, a desire to reduce personal anxiety, or a belief that "handling" a tough situation won't have a long-term impact. There also are managers who avoid handling problems because they don't know how to give ongoing feedback. In any case, the result is a non-managing manager.
Whatever the reason, the problem doesn't go away - it gets worse, and employees lose respect for non-managers.
If it appears that the supervisor and the non-manager will be promoted or transferred to another department, it may be worth your while to wait them out. Your non-manager's reference to "people leaving" need not mean only staff members.
If neither will be leaving, your best decision probably is to look for another job - either inside or out of the organization. Your supervisor won't change, your non-manager won't change, and your desire for a more managed environment, rightly, won't change.
Q: Our company sends new professional-level staff members to corporate headquarters for orientation and protocol training. Several of us complained, among ourselves, that we didn't fly first-class and weren't registered at a really nice hotel. The complaints reached my boss. I was called on the carpet for lacking professional demeanor. I don't think it's fair that what I said to my peers is being used against me.
A: Take it as a compliment that your boss believes you have enough potential to make it worth taking the time to address this situation. Calling you on the carpet now could mean greater career success later.
Whenever you're in a corporate setting, whether at the office or on a training retreat, your behavior is being evaluated. Though you believed you could share your feelings with other new employees, you've learned that everything you say is likely to be repeated to others.
While it's unfortunate your co-workers repeated your comments to someone with the authority to confront you, the fact is you made the statements. And understand that nothing you say or do is ever "off the record." You'll grow faster in your career if you accept responsibility for statements you make and actions you commit.
Look around for successful role models in your organization. Most successful individuals have positive attitudes, demonstrate loyalty to the organization, and are committed to high levels of professionalism. Follow their lead and begin demonstrating the professional demeanor your boss is suggesting.
Camille Wright Miller, an organizational behavior sociologist who works in Lexington, answers questions from our readers about workplace issues. Please send them to her in care of The Roanoke Times, Business News Department, P.O. Box 2491, Roanoke 24010.
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