ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, December 16, 1996 TAG: 9612170098
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Ben Beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I'm hoping someone will offer an adult education course in bowl games before the next football season.
It would be a great help to those of us who don't understand how teams are chosen and the motives behind having a Carquest Bowl - whoever he was.
I really need help. I did a little sports writing back when nobody bothered to explain the Rose Bowl - which was the only bowl game most people paid any attention to.
We didn't know much about the teams and didn't care who won or lost or how they got selected.
It may just seem we were happier then.
Those were simpler times when no Virginia team played in a bowl game; there were no two-point conversions or overtimes to avoid sister-kissing situations; and teams ran the brutal single wing and were proud of it.
People went around quoting Grantland Rice's lead paragraph on his famous story about the Four Horsemen of Notre Dame. A lot of us thought Notre Dame was the only team worth caring about - although we did think the Michigan fight song was pretty neat.
Today, sports writers have to know a lot more about bowl-game selection:
"Mesopotamia University seems to have the inside track for an appearance in Mrs. Gallagher's Famous Kosher Pickle Bowl if Potluck Tech beats Merganser Poly in Saturday's game.
"This is due to the fact that Mesopotamia has the best record in off-the-field kegling and Potluck's team has fewer cavities than any other team in the conference.
"Should Merganser win, however, the Potluck Ponies would be given a bid to the Johnson & Johnson Dental Floss Bowl - which is less prestigious than the Kosher Pickle Bowl.
"In such a scenario, Merganser would almost certainly be asked to play in the Oglesby's Quick Fried Chicken Bowl. It's opponent would likely be Pontiac Tech - which has caught the attention of bowl scouts because none of its players has beri-beri.
"I seem to have lost my train of thought here, but I'll be back tomorrow to tell you what will happen to Mesopotamia if none of the above happens. Or if Transylvania Agricultural and Mechanical Institute should beat 25th ranked Upstate University - which might push me over the edge."
In the meantime all of you people who thought the Redskins were going to get anywhere near the Super Bowl this year can get out there and do something useful.
Like looking up that Grantland Rice quote for me.
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