ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, December 23, 1996 TAG: 9612240115
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A7 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: JOHN F. PENDARVIS
SAM FROM down the street walks into his apartment, flicks on the lights and stares at the corner where he and his wife used to decorate the Christmas tree before she passed away.
Susie looks at all the gifts in her stocking, only to wish Santa could have helped Mommy and Daddy get back together.
Hank shuffles back to his empty dorm room after struggling through the last of his final exams, only to realize the building is deserted and everyone has left to find their holiday cheer among friends and family.
Lisa is frantically trying to meet her deadline, pick up the kids from the baby sitter's, squeeze in a couple of minutes for her husband, and find the time to get a holiday meal planned and gifts bought and wrapped.
Is this what the holidays are all about?
For many, it is. That's why the phenomenon of "holiday blues" is becoming the rule, and holiday cheer is becoming the exception to that rule.
According to recent research, loneliness and depression climb to their highest levels during the holidays. In January, participation in employee-assistance programs tends to jump by as much as 30 percent over average levels, as people try to cope with emotions that resurface every year at this time: high expectations, too much to do in too little time, loneliness, financial difficulties and memories of painful holidays past.
Sadly, there's often no one to blame but ourselves. What was once a genuine period for good will and good deeds is now marked by an onslaught of anxiety and depression. In the rush to buy everyone a gift, make the perfect holiday meal and put up all the holiday decorations, people are trying to get everything done without remembering why it is they are doing it. The joy and peace these traditions once brought are now lost in the frenzy that marks the months of November and December.
We do, however, have the power to put our priorities back where they belong. In doing so, we will not only be helping others, but also helping ourselves find the true meaning of the holidays. Here are some tips to keep in mind to stay on top of the holiday blues:
* Take control of the season. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done, sit down and write out what is really important. Make a list of all the tasks that need tending, then evaluate them in terms of highest priority.
Realize you have choices. Acknowledge you can do things a little bit differently this year. Try to get family members involved and be a bit more flexible with household rules.
* Be creative. If the traditional family meal doesn't spark feelings of good will, take time to involve your family in something that does.
Gather everyone together to volunteer at a local soup pantry on a Saturday morning; make holiday cards for senior citizens at a nursing home; or, with your children's input, create a list of chores for them to do and tell them their allowance that week will go toward a charity. Take the time to call a local nonprofit organization and ask for suggestions if you're not sure how you can become involved.
* Compromise. If you are going to try to put more meaning in the holidays, remember you may need to skip other steps in your preparations. If making candy and cookies is less than enjoyable, buy your goods from a bake sale this year. If funds are low, gather your kids around and spend the day making homemade gifts. If you fear spending the holidays alone, gather with others who also are flying solo.
Instead of letting all the stress get in the way, remind yourself what you're celebrating in the first place, and add a little meaning to the practice with some creative home-spun solutions.
* Resist the urge to quarrel. As part of your attempt to bring feelings of good will back into the holidays, put your differences with siblings or other family members aside. Resist the temptation to lash out and don't immediately voice your disagreement, hurts and angers.
If you do feel you need to communicate your concerns with someone, make a concentrated effort to do so without alienating the other person. Try to sit down before getting together with family members and think about all the things you appreciate about those you have had problems with in the past. Make a sincere effort to concentrate on the good, instead of the bad.
* Try to spread some holiday cheer through the oldest known method - laughter. When everything seems to be falling apart, make yourself watch one of your favorite comedy movies, read a funny comic strip or spend some time with someone who always makes you laugh.
When you notice someone having a bad day, take some extra time to put a smile on their face. Chat with the ornery customer in the checkout line at the grocery store, leave a funny card on a co-worker's desk at work, or tell your child a funny story about your own childhood.
The holidays don't have to be synonymous with stress. Take a step back and think about the true meaning behind the season. Perhaps, then, you may find the season has true meaning for you.
John F. Pendarvis is president and chief executive officer of Family Service of Roanoke Valley.
LENGTH: Medium: 92 lines ILLUSTRATION: GRAPHIC: D. B. Johnson Los Angeles Times Syndicateby CNB