ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Tuesday, December 24, 1996 TAG: 9612240031
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A5 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: WADE F. HORN
AMERICA'S fathers have the opportunity to give their children the ultimate gift. It's not to be found at the mall. But any father can afford it. And no father can afford not to give it.
A father's gift of time is an investment in his children's future. An engaged dad teaches boys how to be men, and girls how a man should treat women. An active father gives children the guidance of strong discipline and the encouragement to take appropriate risks. Perhaps most important, a father who gives his time to his children tells them, through his actions, ``I love you, you are special.''
When children miss out on an engaged, active father, they are put at risk for lower self-esteem, lower educational achievement, a less secure gender identity and a lessened chance for long-term success. They are at greater risk for physical and emotional health problems, and are more likely to run into trouble with the law.
In short, an engaged, committed and responsible father may be a child's best inoculation against the ills of our society - a booster, so to speak, towards success.
Certainly, time is a rarer commodity today than it was when we were growing up. Work weeks are longer. So-called modern conveniences, like the pager, cell phone, home computer and e-mail, seem to be ``convenient'' only for the people placing more demands on us. It is becoming nearly impossible to escape the pressures of the work place. Worse, it takes more hours of work than ever before to bring home a decent wage; for the typical family of four, 25 percent of income goes to federal taxes, as opposed to only 3 percent in 1948. When state and local taxes, and indirect federal taxes are included, the tax burden on this same family approaches 40 percent!
Yet in spite of these and other time bandits, fathers today are actually spending more time with their children than just one generation ago. One study found that, between 1966 and 1986, the time that employed fathers spent with their children each week increased by 26 percent. Other studies report similar findings. This is tremendous news, evidence, perhaps, that our society is coming to recognize the unique and irreplaceable role that fathers play in the development of their children.
Still, there is no denying that finding time for children is hard for many men. Here are some tips that may help:
* Find an organized activity, sign up, and do it with your children. The structure of Little League, piano lessons or gymnastics will require that child-father activities get scheduled on the calendar that hangs on the kitchen wall. (Be careful, however, not to overschedule your children.)
* One morning each weekend, make a big family breakfast and let your kids help.
* Sign up to be a driver or chaperone for your child's school field trips.
* Talk to your employer about working at home all or part of some days. When you can, don't work late at the office. Bring the work home - even when working at home, you will be more accessible to your children than when stuck in the office.
* Read to your child. It's fun time together and has been shown to help children succeed in school.
* Let children ``help'' with household projects. Painting a room provides a good example. While doing the initial brush-work, give children a brush and some paint and let them paint a wall. Their handiwork will be messy, but just smooth over the brush strokes every couple of minutes. The final coat will cover everything up, anyway.
* Go places together - the zoo, a museum, ball games, whatever is enjoyable. Find family hobbies, things you all like to do together.
* Remember that you already have the best gift you could ever give your children: your time.
It's the gift for all seasons.
Wade F. Horn is president of the National Fatherhood Initiative and director of public outreach for the Virginia Fatherhood Campaign.
Knight-Ridder Tribune
LENGTH: Medium: 76 linesby CNB