ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, December 25, 1996 TAG: 9612260075
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: HOLIDAY
SOURCE: Betty Liedtke
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
not a sound could be heard, save the click of a mouse.
Old Santa's relaxed, and his timetable's fine
since he now handles all his deliveries on-line.
He's making a list and he's checking it twice
with a spell-check and auto-directory device.
Then he pushes a button and off the names go
even faster than Santa can say, "Ho, ho, ho!"
And while visions of sugarplums dance on his screen,
he plugs in the tape on his answering machine.
He soon will be nestled all snug in his bed
since it's Fed Ex who's working all night now, instead.
And now that he's not making Christmas Eve rounds,
Old Santa has lost over 85 pounds.
He's given up cookies, his milk must be skim,
and a Stairmaster helps him stay healthy and slim.
He gave up his pipe; now it rests in a rack;
he lifts weights, since he's no longer hoisting his sack.
But now as this Christmas Eve passes him by,
poor Santa is shaking his head with a sigh.
Though his work is much easier than ever before,
in the past, Christmas Eve meant a little bit more
when he scooted down chimneys and silently crept
to deliver his gifts to the kids as they slept.
Suddenly Santa got chills down his spine.
He had thought that the last several years had been fine.
He'd improved his efficiency, lowered his cost.
But he suddenly realized all that he'd lost.
So Santa immediately uttered this vow:
"By next Christmas, I'll undo this damage somehow."
Then he thought up some plans to make everything right
as he started to shut down his system that night,
when all of a sudden, a message was flashing;
the computer locked up, and his hard drive was crashing.
He sprang from his chair, filled with panic and fright,
for this meant there would be no deliveries tonight!
With a quick little hop, out the door Santa flew
to save Christmas this year; he knew just what to do.
He woke Mrs. Claus, then he summoned the elves.
They raced to the workshop and emptied the shelves
into Santa's old sack. As they filled it with toys
they recalled all the names of the good girls and boys.
Santa laughed as they oiled up and loaded the sleigh,
"This year we'll do Christmas the old-fashioned way!
Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen,
On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen,
and Rudolph! I hope you're all ready for flight.
I'm putting you all back in business tonight!"
Then he kissed Mrs. Claus and he hopped on his sleigh,
and he said, "I learned something important today.
Christmas is not made of gifts, but of giving,
not getting things done, but of doing and living."
He picked up the reins, and he flew through the sky,
while Mrs. Claus waved, with a tear in her eye.
For she knew that her Santa'd been caught in the fray;
he'd forgotten the meaning behind Christmas Day.
But she saw now that Santa was on the right track.
Something lost had been found; he had gotten it back.
For his eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry.
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.
And out in the night, midst the new-fallen snow,
Mrs. Claus felt an almost-forgotten warm glow
when she heard Santa call, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Story author doesn't approve of `messing with Christmas'
When Betty Liedtke read the announcement of the Extra section's second annual Christmas writing contest, she immediately knew which story she wanted to update for the '90s: "A Visit From St. Nicholas."
"Once I clicked onto that computer reference, I had so much fun taking little elements from the original story and playing with it," she said.
But she didn't play with the story line too much.
"Maybe it's the mom thing, but I don't like people messing with Christmas," said Liedtke, a free-lance writer and the mother of Kurt, 11, and Robin, 9.
"It's OK to put Santa on the Internet, but I'm not going to let him go too high-tech. I'm going to bring him back."
That's good news for all of you Santa traditionalists out there - and those among us who may count fat grams every other day of the year. But not today.
Liedtke, who won $100 for her efforts, was among 136 Roanoke-area readers who answered our call to update one of four holiday story favorites.
Incidentally, ``A Visit From St. Nicholas'' was the overwhelming choice to parody. In all, there were 68 different versions of the story, followed by 25 attempts at ``Gifts of the Magi,'' 22 parodies of ``How the Grinch Stole Christmas'' and 16 different takes on ``A Christmas Carol.'' There also were five other entries that, well, defied classification.
LENGTH: Long : 101 lines ILLUSTRATION: PHOTO: (headshots) Betty Liedtke. Graphic: 5 illustrations byby CNBRobert Lunsford. color.