ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Friday, January 3, 1997 TAG: 9701030058
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV-3 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
COLUMN: Out & About
SOURCE: DONNA ALVIS-BANKS
Warning: If you're reading this because you're looking for something to do this weekend, stop now!
You're outta luck.
We've slithered into 1997 like lazy lizards in leisure suits.
Ho-ho-ho's gone.
Ho-hum's here to stay - at least for a few more days.
Not to worry. We'll bounce back.
We'll unpack those suitcases. We'll throw out the Christmas fudge. And when our Orange Bowl grieving period's officially over, we'll get those juices flowing again.
We won't sit home and pout.
We'll once again get out & about!
But, for now, we'll just have to
sit!
sit!
sit!
sit!
And we will not like it.
Not one little bit.
Now, if you get really desperate for ways to entertain yourself, consider what I've been doing the past few days.
Think band names.
Bizarre band names.
Really, really funky band names.
Cleaning out my files from the past year, I ran across lots of pictures and press releases from creative publicists promoting some rather mystifying musical groups.
Bad Religion. The Rugburns. Baby Fat. Stuttering John.
"Where do they come up with these names?" I wondered aloud.
The press release on the Swamp Zombies caught my eye as it sailed past on the way to the waste basket. The group, it said, was heading for a tour of Germany and Switzerland.
"Co-founder Josh Agle, fluent in German, promises to teach his bandmates German slang guaranteed to land them in dingy European jail cells, while the band's keen interest in quality beer should motivate the group to meet its rigorous schedule."
"Who writes this stuff?" I bewailed.
Cadillac Tramps. Bikini Kill. The Chainsaw Kittens. Collapsing Lungs.
I won't even tell you about the CDs they send for my listening pressure. I have a stack of discs whose titles can't be printed in a family newspaper.
And you thought this was a pie job.
I'm ready for the next batch of press releases, though. I'm awaiting the new wave of musical groups.
Maybe another Hootie and the Blowfish will blow through our neck of the woods. Or (better yet!) maybe somewhere in our neck of the woods, the next Hootie will be hatched.
I'm already thinking of a name for this unborn band.
Leisure Suit Lizards?
Hmmm
LENGTH: Medium: 63 linesby CNB