ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, January 13, 1997 TAG: 9701150006
SECTION: NEWSFUN PAGE: NF-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: SARAH COX SPECIAL TO THE ROANOKE TIMES
Adults should read this. So should anyone else who has ever been involved in a serious disagreement with a classmate, friend or brother or sister.
Fourth- and fifth -graders, as well as middle school pupils, in schools such as Mason's Cove Elementary, Northside Middle and Mount Pleasant Elementary in Roanoke County, and Troutville Elementary in Botetourt County have been trained as conflict mediators, another name for kids who help settle difficulties or arguments between classmates.
Some schools have conflict mediation programs that have been going on for several years, and other schools are just starting the program.
It works, according to the peer mediators (kids who help straighten out disagreements between their classmates), and it not only helps solve immediate disagreements between classmates, it helps the mediators themselves.
Megan Forbes, a fifth-grader at Troutville Elementary School, said she believes being a peer mediator helps her with her problems in life, and she's learned how to help other people.
"I've learned that there are many other ways to work out problems than calling names or getting into fights,'' she said.
Benjamin Silcox, a fourth-grader and peer mediator in the same school, said when his sixth-grade sister picks on him and calls him names, he remembers the training and "I know not to do that stuff back.''
For Brittany Furr, a fifth-grader at Mount Pleasant, becoming a peer mediator has helped teach her how to be trustworthy by keeping a secret.
All peer mediators must keep the conflict they help resolve confidential (secret). Brittany said she simply tells her classmates when they ask about the problem, "It's really none of your business because it's their problem.''
In most cases, fourth grade is the year peer mediators begin training. Katie Zawecky at Prevention-Plus of Blue Ridge Community Services often helps with the in-school training, along with the school counselors.
Most of the peer mediators said they enjoyed the training the most. Brittney King, now a seventh-grader at Northside Middle School in Roanoke County, has been a peer mediator since fifth grade at Mason's Cove. She said the best moments were during the training because she learned "a lot of awesome stuff you didn't know until you got into it. You have to look inside people,'' she explained. She learned during training to watch for body movements and other ways that might indicate a person's moods and feelings.
At Northside, the mediators are elected by their peers. Mediation is done as a team, with two mediators and usually the two students who cannot resolve a conflict on their own. King said many times the students are angry, frustrated or "just mixed up. Some are scared because they don't know if they are going to lose a friend over [the argument]. They have pride and dignity and you have to work with them together.''
There is a set procedure the peer mediators are required to follow. Fifth-grader Adam Lawson, who said he decided to become a peer mediator "because I wanted to help students stop fights and stop arguments,'' explained the steps he and a team member take when they're called in to mediate.
First, they introduce themselves and ask what the problem is; then, they listen while the classmates tell their sides of the story. Next, the entire team brainstorms (comes up with a list of) solutions and picks the best one.
"We give them two minutes to think of solutions, while we do, also. If they don't come up with anything, we give them another minute,'' he said. A contract the pupils have signed binds them to follow whatever solution they agree upon.
That's the best that can happen. Sometimes, the kids are reluctant to cooperate. Although both pupils have to agree to participate in peer mediation, conflicts are not always resolved during the first attempt.
Aleah Yunger, a fifth-grader at Mount Pleasant, said she was involved in one conflict resolution meeting that wasn't resolved until the pupils met for a second time.
"The second meeting went really well. The hardest thing was probably learning how to keep them from talking while we're doing brainstorming,'' she said.
Learning to listen, staying quiet while the other person has his or her say, and agreeing to the contract you've signed are some of the toughest parts of conflict resolution, said the peer mediators. Sandra Thomas, school counselor at Troutville Elementary School, said peer mediators are selected by their classmates "for the qualities necessary in mediators - they're fair, have demonstrated good listening skills, are nonjudgmental, and they're dedicated to helping other students with problem-solving.'' Troutville has 10 active mediators, she said, and during the first semester these mediators have helped pupils from the second to the fifth grade.
Benjamin Silcox said he now realizes how important it is not to spread rumors and how to keep the trust that pupils he's helped have placed in him. Mediation has taught him, he said, how to treat everyone fairly.
Brittany Furr said she understands better what people think and "I can get along better with them because I now know how they feel.''
And Megan Forbes said she's learned to be a more caring person.
When kids get in here, she explained, some are afraid If she and other mediators can make them feel comfortable, they will "tell us what happened.'' It's important to let them know that the mediators are not angry at them, and are not taking sides. They're just there, said Megan, to help you work it out.
LENGTH: Medium: 99 lines ILLUSTRATION: PHOTO: ROGER HART/Staff. Pupils at Troutville Elementary Schoolby CNBconduct a mediation-training session under the supervision of a
faculty member. Kids at the school help solve disagreements between
their classmates. color.