ROANOKE TIMES 
                      Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times

DATE: Wednesday, January 29, 1997            TAG: 9701290017
SECTION: EDITORIAL                PAGE: A-6  EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: PAMELA GUNTER

DON'T SHUT THE DOOR ON DADS

WHAT A disappointment for all those fathers who were counting on the joint-custody bill to be passed in the House this term.

To read (Jan. 19 news article, ``What's best for child?'') that Del. Richard Cranwell ``revised'' the bill to merely require judges to consider joint custody as one of nine options in a divorce case was hearbreaking.

Ellen Weinman, a Salem lawyer and substitute judge in the 23rd Judicial Circuit, was speaking the truth when she said the cases that come before the courts are the ones where the parents cannot work together to do what is best for the children. Unfortunately, in most cases, it's the mother who insists on calling all the shots. And in Virginia, she is allowed to do that.

What is more unfortunate is that most of the time the mother is making all her decisions based on how she feels about the father, not how his children feel about him or what is best for the children.

Divorce is a bad thing. I don't think anybody plans to get divorced when they get married, but it happens. The most mature, responsible thing any two parents can do in a situation like this is to allow the children equal access to each parent.

How sad it is that when a parent is angry and vindictive, and there is no legitimate reason to deny a father access to his children, that a court system made up of strangers to these families decides how much of a parent (in most cases) a man can be. He supports his children based on his income, but he sees them based on schedules set by a stranger.

I am a mother with a daughter and an ex-husband. I would never dream of denying him an opportunity to spend time with his daughter. I have an open-door policy concerning him.

Why? Because my daughter loves her daddy so much, and her daddy loves her. And they deserve the opportunity to know each other and share a special closeness that only a parent can share with a child - a closeness that will never be achieved on an alternating-weekend visitation schedule.

Pamela Gunter of Roanoke is a hairdresser.

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