ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, January 29, 1997 TAG: 9701290078
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Just after the envelope with the information on burial insurance for people between 45 and 79 dropped out of the Sunday paper, I read this article that said foreigners think we are fatter than we should be.
That's right, my fellow Americans, The Washington Post went out and asked foreigners to talk about our bodies and our diets.
It made some of us wonder whatever happened to Manifest Destiny, the Monroe Doctrine, San Juan Hill and Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.
One of these persons said we drink too much Coca-Cola and that we "eat at every hour."
This person was from France, where they sock down enough wine in a day to keep a fraternity party going for a week. (Most fraternity men don't drink wine unless it's in a keg, but you know what I mean.)
I will say here that the article didn't give the weight of this young woman.
I don't know how much booze Bulgarians drink, but there was a Bulgarian quoted who said she had seen a number of overweight school children and wanted to know if exercise is compulsory in schools.
She should know that American children grow up hating physical education because they never have time to take a shower and become athletes to avoid it.
There is no indication of the size of this Bulgarian. She said she doesn't like fried food, which I consider a slap at our sainted mothers.
There was this guy from Senegal who didn't like peanut butter and jelly - the mystical food of a nation that has overcome great odds to become a world power.
This is the same thing as attacking meat loaf. Or sausage gravy. Or bacon you stopped frying just short of being too crisp. Or grits and eggs.
I don't want to appear to be an America-Firster, but there's something about an attack on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that flies into the face of and does violence to our way of life.
The article continued to quote people who said we are too fat - including a visitor from Portugal who said fat people there aren't as fat as Americans.
Are there still people - chubby or lean - in Portugal?
There were no interviews with spokesmen for fat Americans, so that is what I'm doing here.
I'll continue to champion fat people as long as I'm qualified. I lost six pounds over the holidays, but don't worry.
I'm sure that French woman would consider me to be on the chunky side.
LENGTH: Medium: 52 linesby CNB