ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, March 17, 1997 TAG: 9703170091
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-5 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: MONTY S. LEITCH
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
YESTERDAY, I took down the Christmas reindeer in the yard and replaced him with a cement statue of a flamingo.
The reindeer is not cement. He is made of lengths of logs, with dogwood twigs for antlers.
This flamingo is not pink, although I considered a pink flamingo when I bought him.
And, in truth, I have a particular fondness for pink flamingos. (Did you know, by the by, that flamingos are pink not because their feathers are innately pink, but because of what they eat? Take them away from their natural habitat and feed them differently, and they'll fade out to a regular white.)
Nevertheless, I have a plain cement flamingo.
Now, I could paint him pink if I wished. And someday I may wish. But for right now, the flamingo is still cement-colored. Which makes him blend quite nicely with the old locust fencepost next to which I've set him.
(The log reindeer looked nice beside that fencepost, too, by the way.)
I like cement statuary. Especially if it's got some character to it.
By that, I mean that I prefer cement statuary that isn't run-of-the-mill. No jockeys for me. No little boys with fishing poles or frogs with umbrellas. No stately St. Francis statues, no reclining deer.
I have instead: a squatting devil with pointed tail, a pair of entwined (and nearly naked) lovers, an angel lying on her stomach, a gargoyle, a very realistic rabbit, a finely-rounded lass wearing nothing but a drape, a cherub with a trumpet, and now, a 2-foot-tall flamingo. It's a nice collection. If I ever find a suitably eccentric dragon, within my price range, I'd like to add him to it.
After I'd bought the cement devil, but before I'd placed him along the path in the woods, my nephew saw him on the front porch. He called his mother out to view the thing.
He looked at it this way. He looked at it that. He asked his mother, "Why is Aunty Monty so weird?"
That's a good question.
I'm not sure I have an answer, but I think it's a good question.
So, since I think it's a good question, I've been giving it some thought. Which do you suppose my nephew considered weird?
The cement statuary qua cement statuary?
The fact that this particular piece of statuary is a devil?
The fact that I'd chosen this devil to put at the head of the path in the woods?
The fact that I have a path in the woods?
The fact that I live in a place where a path in the woods is possible?
All of the above?
None of the above?
Something else entirely, about which I have no clue?
Furthermore, should I be concerned that my nephew finds me weird?
Probably not. Most 12-year-olds find most adults weird, with or without flamingos. We all know that, although we don't all admit it. I'm betting that some day my nephew will be as weird as I.
At least in the eyes of somebody's 12-year-old.
In the meantime, the answer to the question "Why is Aunty Monty so weird?" remains "She isn't."
Or, "She is."
Or, "Who knows?"
MONTY S. LEITCHis a Roanoke Times columnist.
LENGTH: Medium: 69 linesby CNB