ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, March 17, 1997 TAG: 9703180095
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
That's the way it goes. Just when you're worried because there's nothing to worry about, something always comes up.
What I'm currently worrying about is the sickening feeling that the computer age has passed me by. It seems like only yesterday that I was going around saying things like "upload" and "download" and "software" and "boot it up."
People admired me then. They said: "That's Old Bennie there. You'll find him wherever you find the cutting edge of change. You'll never catch him with his head in the sand."
I'm sure that other older Americans with 5-year-old machines are feeling the same way - that the latest technology has left the station without them.
These are aging persons who wouldn't know a dot.com from a freight train. But everywhere they go they hear about dot.coms.
Many of us simply don't want to fool around with these things. We don't understand why anybody would want to contact Comedy Central in the first place. But we worry about being left behind just the same.
I personally never would have gotten into this mess if I had known I was going to be worried sick about not having a Web site. And not knowing what to do with it if I had one.
This is not to mention CD-ROM. I think it was CD-ROM that my grandson was using on his family computer that flicked an animal up on the screen and then made the sound this animal makes.
It may have been my imagination, but the room seemed to become oppressively hot and I felt dizzy.
I've seen these things that give you a whole encyclopedia on one little disk. I still hurt my back getting the "S" volume of World Book out of the bookcase to look up Harlan Fisk Stone.
No. I don't recall offhand why I was looking up Harlan Fisk Stone. Why would you ask me something like that?
I tried clicking on "dictionary" on my computer and it laughed a little and said I'd have to get in touch with an antique computer store to buy that kind of thing.
It's only natural that we should deny we're worried about computer inadequacy.
Those of us who suffer from it say: "Listen, pal, I can get on with the rest of my life without the World Wide Web. Who needs chat rooms?"
But then it gets to be a social thing. You may be talking to the office bombshell and she'll treat you like a stale bagel when she finds out you aren't on line and that you don't know the true meaning of being like that.
This is not to say that all older people are behind. I was in a store recently buying a battery for my calculator - which I couldn't replace - and there were two guys in there who had a year or two on me talking about this $1,700 outfit like they had known it all their lives.
I try to keep up. I read the ads all the time, but I don't need a new computer that answers the phone or the door, paints the kitchen, or makes a margarita.
I'll stick with my Tandy 1000 RLX hard drive and mix my own bourbons and water.
LENGTH: Medium: 62 linesby CNB