ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, April 14, 1997 TAG: 9704150030
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: KATHLEEN CURRY KNIGHT-RIDDER/TRIBUNE
THAS been called ``the pretty addiction'' and ``the best-dressed problem.'' But mostly it's been called nothing at all.
Workaholism isn't a recognized disease, such as alcoholism or drug addiction. Some employers even revere it - newspaper classified ads have carried the headline ``Wanted: Workaholics.''
But to Dr. Bryan Robinson of Charlotte, N.C., work addiction is the unheralded family crisis of our generation. Not just because some people work too much - but because of what a workaholic lifestyle could quietly be doing to their kids.
``Outwardly with workaholics, everybody and everything looks great,'' says Robinson, a therapist and University of North Carolina-Charlotte professor who also is a nationally recognized expert on treating workaholics.
Workaholics often earn comfortable incomes; their families appear to have everything. But when a workaholic's children reach adulthood, Robinson said, their emotional framework often collapses like so many matchsticks.
According to what Robinson said is groundbreaking research, adult children of workaholics often end up in therapy with failing marriages, depression or a sense of anger they can't identify.
At the heart of their troubles, Robinson believes, was a well-meaning but absent parent who unconsciously taught them that you are judged by what you do, not who you are.
Robinson began thinking about children of workaholics several years ago, after adult clients in his therapy practice displayed dysfunctional lives but no obvious cause. He began to see a pattern: Many had grown up with a workaholic parent.
So last year Robinson and associates interviewed and tested 211 adults ages 18 to 50, all students at UNCC and selected randomly. Participants first took Robinson's Work Addiction Risk Test, but answered the questions as they related to their parents. All were then given psychological tests to rate depression, anxiety and other indications of self-worth.
``I was really surprised by the results,'' Robinson said. Among those whose parents scored high on the work addiction test - about 30 percent of the sample - ``there was significantly more depression, anxiety [and] relationship problems among those who had a workaholic parent than those who didn't.''
Robinson has since expanded his research; he is developing a profile of the adult child of a workaholic and is writing a book on the subject. He acknowledged, though, that the study of the effects of a parent's work addiction on children is still in its infancy.
Workaholism - and its effect on children - is not an easy sell as a crisis or even as a problem.
First, not everyone who works occasional long hours is a workaholic.
``Work addiction is not the accountant working day and night during tax season. Work addiction is not the single mother working two jobs,'' Robinson pointed out.
Although statistics are hard to come by, Robinson acknowledged, most therapists who focus on work addiction believe that 30percent to 40percent of working adults qualify as workaholics.
``Work addiction doesn't just suddenly occur one day - it comes from the inside,'' Robinson said. ``It's something people take with them going into a job. It's not caused by the job.''
The toughest problem is convincing those who have crossed the line - from enthusiasm for a job to a pathological desire to work - that they may have a problem.
In a success-oriented society, few workaholics see themselves as dysfunctional, and most others regard them as good providers. Their families have material comforts: nice cars, fashionable clothes, well-appointed homes, college funds.
Behind the well-tended picture is often dysfunction, loneliness and, for children, an unexpected inheritance.
Twenty years later, a good number of these offspring of workaholics are perfectionist workaholics themselves, although they can't say why. They're at risk, Robinson said, of passing to their children a legacy of emotional detachment in favor of outwork achievement.
According to the profile Robinson is writing of the adult child of a workaholic, these people tend to be highly self-critical, anxious and fumbling badly in relationships. ``But they don't know why, and there's nothing obvious to point to,'' such as an alcoholic parent, abusive childhood or other such tragedy. ``In fact, they say `I had everything. What's wrong with me?''' said Robinson, whose findings were published in Psychological Reports in January and will be published in the American Journal of Family Therapy this year.
``They [the children] are controlled not by their own inner goals, values or desires, but what other people think of them.''
For adults who believe their work lifestyle may be harming their families' lifestyle, Robinson offers a three-step start toward change.
The first step: time. ``Quality time is important, but it needs to be intimate, regular time with children,'' he said.
Second: Learn to accept your children for who they are, not what they do. ``They won't do it consciously, but many workaholics give negative feedback, such as saying `That's great you got five A's, but let's work on this B.'''
Third, let your children make mistakes, and let them see you make mistakes. ``Workaholics often go crazy if they make mistakes. Children can learn to handle their own mistakes if they see their parents do so.''
LENGTH: Medium: 98 lines ILLUSTRATION: GRAPHIC: Color graphic by Robert Lunsford.by CNB