ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, April 14, 1997 TAG: 9704150031
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 3 EDITION: METRO
Being an adult child of a workaholic isn't easy to figure out. Nor is the syndrome as identifiable as the more well-known struggles faced by grown children of alcoholics.
Still, there are traits therapists can spot. Here are some highlights from a profile of the adult child of a workaholic being developed by Dr. Bryan Robinson:
Perfectionist workaholics. Many children of workaholics will carry on the parent's legacy. ``In the workplace or elsewhere, these are people who are busy doing, doing all the time.''
Self-critical. ``They feel guilty for even saying anything. They feel like their parents were perfect, high achievers, they had everything, and they shouldn't complain. They think `I must be defective.'''
High levels of anxiety, often with depression. This usually shows up in marriages and relationships. ``Many are on their second or third marriage, or find they can't stay in a committed relationship because they are unhappy but can't say why. ... The spouse may say `Nothing I ever do is good enough for you.'''
Outwardly focused. ``They are controlled not by their own inner goals or desires, but what people think of them or of what they should do,'' Robinson said.
People-pleasing chameleons. ``They'll be whomever people want them to be, either professionally or socially. So often what I hear in therapy is `I don't know who I am, really.'''
Parents before their time. Many oldest children of workaholics were ``parentified'' when young, Robinson said - elevated by the other parent to a partner status to help run the household and family. Often there is buried resentment or anger for having taken on a role for which they weren't ready.
LENGTH: Short : 41 linesby CNB