ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, April 17, 1997 TAG: 9704170003
SECTION: AT WORK PAGE: B-1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: funny business
SOURCE: JOHN GRIESSMAYER
Forget to send off your federal taxes on time? Well, it might not be too late.
Simply complete the following OOPS-13-Q Federal Tax Extension/Excuse Form, recommended by the IRS:
1. List your Adjusted Gross Annual Income from Line 17, Schedule B.
2. Add to this number your Gross Annual Maladjusted Deduction from Line 143-1, Schedule Z.
3. Multiply the sum on Line 2 by the Very Gross Tax Abduction, listed on Line 42-R-3 on the back of your bus schedule.
4. Subtract your Fundamental Base Fluctuating Income Rating from the sum of the square of the hypotenuse, if your schedule allows. Add $1.50 for extra cheese.
5. Send a check for the amount of the sum of Lines 3 and 4, plus a 10 percent handling fee, plus a 3 percent surcharge, plus your favorite muffin recipe to the IRS. In a week, you will receive either a tax refund or 50 recipes from all over the country.
6. Use the back of this form to record a really good excuse for missing the deadline, and write ``I will not miss the tax deadline next year'' 100 times.
LENGTH: Short : 32 linesby CNB