ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, April 23, 1997 TAG: 9704230031
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV-2 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
COLUMN: child life
SOURCE: BEVERLY MILLS
The New River Current began publishing Child Life, a weekly forum for parents to ask child-rearing questions and share tips with other parents, on April 2. We want to know what you think about the column. Please call 381-1671 and leave your comments, or e-mail us at newriverxc2roanoke.com, attention: Child Life.
To seek or leave advice, please check the end of the column for the toll-free number and today's question from a parent who needs your help.
Q. I want to teach my child not to talk to strangers, but when I meet people on the street, I say "hello" or "good morning." I don't want to frighten him. How should I handle this?
-Janet Smith,
Nanaimo, British Columbia
A. Teach your child one simple rule: When you're with an adult (a parent or baby sitter, for example), it's OK to say hello to someone you don't know. But when you're not with a grown-up, don't talk to people you don't know.
Parent Kathie Dormanen of Minnetonka, Minn., calls this the family safety rule, and even preschoolers can understand the concept.
"When my children are with me, I tell them it's OK to say hello," says Heidi Orstad, a mother from Eagan, Minn. "It is my responsibility to make sure that they're safe. It's when they're not with me that they need to not talk to strangers. That's their way of knowing when it's appropriate and when it's not."
Children should never be expected to decide on their own who is a safe adult and who is not, says Carol Soret Cope, author of the new book "Stranger Danger, How to Keep Your Child Safe" (Cader Books, $7.95).
That's why a simple, absolute rule like this is one of the best ways to keep a child safe, says Cope, a lawyer and former school psychologist who lives in Miami.
Rather than stressing the idea of not talking to strangers, Julia Anderson, a mother from Minneapolis, focuses on making sure her children know not to go anywhere with anyone without asking permission first.
"That would include a neighbor," Anderson says. "We do that with our 2-year-old as well as with our 5- and 7-year-olds. A stranger is only a stranger for a couple of minutes. We teach them to be polite, but they would never go anywhere with anyone without talking to us first."
As for who is a stranger, Cope says children need to be told that means any adult the child doesn't know well.
"Children should be told that even if an adult calls them by name and says they know their parents, they shouldn't go anywhere with them," Cope says.
When children are between the ages of 4 and 5, parents should begin telling them not to accept rides or candy from anyone, and that adults never need help from children to find anything.
By the time children enter elementary school, parents can expand on this knowledge by having a conversation about proper and improper touches from adults and others. Cope worries about children being harmed by people they perceive as authority figures.
The best way to keep from frightening children is to teach these rules in the matter-of-fact way you would teach any other safety rules, Cope says.
CAN YOU HELP?
Here's a new question from a parent who needs your help. If you have tips, or if you have questions of your own, please call our toll-free hot line any time at (800) 827-1092. Or write to Child Life, 2212 The Circle, Raleigh, N.C. 27608, or send e-mail to bevmillsxc2aol.com
DIAPER GYMNASTICS: "My 1-year-old is at the point where he hates to have his diaper changed," says R.B. of Santa Rosa, Calif. "He twists and squirms and- throws a fit. Any ideas?"
COPYRIGHT 1997 BY BEVERLY MILLS, CHILD LIFE
LENGTH: Medium: 72 linesby CNB