THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
                 Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, June 5, 1994                    TAG: 9406050026 
SECTION: LOCAL                     PAGE: B1    EDITION: FINAL  
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON 
DATELINE: 940605                                 LENGTH: Medium 

IT'S NOT EASY FOR NAVY WIFE TO WALK AWAY FROM ABUSE

And the 32-year-old woman's husband is at sea, due to return late this month from a Navy deployment. Sometime between then and now, she has to figure out a way to walk out the door.

{REST} She says she's suffered three years of abuse from her husband. ``I've been kicked, I've been hit, punched, cursed at, spat at,'' she said. ``All of that has taken my heart. It's like a stone right now.''

Her husband's deployments are her respites. The sound of his footsteps on the doorstep puts her on alert. ``Once the key goes in the keyhole, all happiness goes away. It's like the breeze stops when he walks in. We all sit and wait for the punishment.''

The Virginia Beach woman is not alone.

According to the Department of Defense, the number of confirmed spouse-abuse cases has climbed to 18 cases per 1,000 military spouses last year from 12 cases per 1,000 in 1988. That's no surprise when you consider that spouse-abuse has increased in civilian circles, too.

But military families can suffer stresses particular to that occupation. Service people work under stressful conditions. Young families move frequently and live in communities far from relatives. Deployments disrupt family routines.

The 32-year-old woman knows those stresses too well. Shortly after she married, her husband was transferred to Spain for three years. They lived off-base, and her husband kept tight control of her. ``I couldn't do anything. I couldn't go out of the house. I couldn't ask for money for personal things.''

The physical abuse escalated, even when she was pregnant. She sought counseling through the Navy to find a way to leave. But a $1,200 plane ticket to fly herself and her two children home stood between her and escape.

The Navy would fly her back, but only if there were clear evidence of abuse. ``He has to beat you to a point where you're in the hospital,'' the woman said. Another price she was unwilling to pay.

The Navy recommended they both get counseling. She agreed, her husband didn't. And no one made him. Which left her feeling that the Navy protects its own.

The Navy has taken steps to reduce domestic abuse. The Family Advocacy program was started in 1976 to work with families at risk of abusing their children. The program expanded three years later to address spouse mistreatment.

Elizabeth Shirer, program manager for this area's Family Advocacy, said counselors who receive reports of abuse assess the safety of the spouse and tell them about available resources. A team made up of social workers, medical personnel and others devises a treatment plan for the family.

Depending on the severity of the abuse, the Navy can require enlistees to get counseling. The accused enlistee may also be subject to charges.

Now that the woman is back in the United States, it should be easier to leave. Still, she struggles with the hows of doing that as her husband's ship steams toward home port. She wishes the Navy would help protect her. ``It's like no one is listening.''

by CNB