THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, June 8, 1994 TAG: 9406080053
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: B6 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
DATELINE: 940608 LENGTH: Medium
They trace ``Bury me!'' in the dust on the trunk instead of ``Wash me!''
{REST} The dog can't even be coaxed onto the back seat with a soup bone.
Your kids would rather walk than ride.
Your neighbor has screened your driveway by planting bamboo.
The only place you can see your reflection is in the rain puddle on the floorboard.
You've made the Armor All 10 most wanted list.
The cat won't go under it when it rains.
When you put it up on cinder blocks, the neighbors ask if you've got a new set of tires.
Your spouse only drives it on Halloween.
One of the best kept secrets in the country is our love affair with ugly cars. On TV the car commercials show vehicles sweeping around the curves of a coastal highway with no traffic in sight and sunlight glinting off the polished hood of a new model.
That is fantasy. The reality is that most of us drive old cars. Many of these uglies have ripped upholstery, dome lights as dim as glowworms and rusting struts.
Maybe you own one. You know, coat hanger for a radio antenna and a paint job that looks like the canvas under the ladder after you've painted the basement. Maybe a skunk deodorizer hanging from the rearview mirror. Or even a plastic Elvis sticking from one of the cracks of your vinyl dashboard.
If you have a motor beast like that. . . have we got a deal for you. Yes, as fantastic as it seems, you and your heap could be winners of the UGLIEST CAR IN HAMPTON ROADS CONTEST.
Remember how your neighbors made fun of you and shielded their children's eyes when you drove past in the rust bucket? Well, they'll be proud as punch now, just living on the same street as Hampton Roads' most famous car.
Yes, this is a chance to raise you and your car from a life of virtual obscurity into fame and fortune.
And look what a mind-boggling array of gifts we're offering to the owner of our little ``Ohmegawd, I can't believe they're driving that'' contest:
$100 worth of car care products from Twin B - the place where your old car always has friends.
Free tickets to the movies.
A year's subscription to Old Car Trader, the national magazine with more than 300 pages of old cars in each monthly issue.
A photo of you and your car suitable for framing, taken by one of our award-winning and equally ugly photographers.
Just write and tell me about your little eyesore including some of the horribly unfair things people have said about it - yep, pickup trucks are OK - and be sure to enclose a photograph. Deadline for entries is June 30.
Mail your entry to:
Ugliest Car in Hampton Roads Contest
c/o Lawrence Maddry
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510
The decision of the judges is final. In the event of a tie, both cars and owners will be photographed at the same time with torn halves of the joint photograph mailed to each winner.
by CNB