THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, June 22, 1994 TAG: 9406220561
SECTION: SPORTS PAGE: C1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Bob Molinaro
DATELINE: 940622 LENGTH: Medium
Probably, it has something to do with the fact that the final game is being played a day after our most welcome solstice.
{REST} There exists this quaint notion that basketball is a winter game. That it was not meant to be watched while drinking gin and tonic and peeling sunburned skin from your shoulders.
The timing of the final game makes Pat Riley, Rudy Tomjanovich and the Knick and Rocket players the Boyz of Summer.
Sounds romantic, though probably only Spike Lee would want to make a movie of what's been going on. Entering tonight's game, all we know for sure is that a bad team is going to win the championship.
Hakeem Olajuwon will have his title. Or Patrick Ewing will get his. The country will try to act excited.
For a time Friday, while airborne cameras gave chase to O.J. Simpson, the Knicks and Rockets were relegated to one-quarter of the TV screen.
I know a symbolic moment when I see one. A quarter screen is about all these two teams deserve.
It could be worse. The NBA Final could be the U.S. Open. Presumably, golf in America will survive Monday's dream playoff between Ernie Els, Loren Roberts and Colin ``Big House'' Montgomerie.
When Els dropped his final shot, have you ever heard less enthusiasm from a gallery at a major event? I've witnessed more genuine emotion from bystanders after a 6-year-old putted through the elephant's trunk for a hole-in-one at a miniature golf course.
The Knicks and Rockets have a way of making basketball look as graceful as a man carrying a mattress up a flight of stairs. Then the Open is held captive by a chapter of Golfers Anonymous.
What else can we expect this week? Crab grass at Wimbledon?
If the NBA playoffs prove one thing, it is that not even the unique interviewing techniques of Ahmad Rashad are enough to guarantee the league its great popularity forever.
The Boyz of Summer have played the final round under brownout conditions. The NBA can write this off as just one of those years. Or it can take action. At no additional charge, here are a few suggestions on how the league can improve its product:
To increase scoring, award two points for a takedown.
Find a new hairdresser for Dennis Rodman.
Juice the ball.
Get Spike Lee a booster seat.
Find basketball players who act less like hockey players.
Have Sirajul and Mujibur handle the play-by-play for NBC.
Get it in writing that Bill Laimbeer won't try a comeback.
Force Madonna to start dating soccer players.
Make the Knicks play in Singapore; cane anyone who commits a flagrant foul.
Ask Shaquille O'Neal to break records, not backboards.
Have Scottie Pippen do an NBA promotional spot lasting 1.8 seconds.
Pull aside the bright, young talent and tell them that the true greats dedicate themselves to the game, not to their own promotion.
Highlight Grant Hill.
Widen the lane, shorten the season.
Widen Shawn Bradley.
Banish anyone who can't beat Marv Albert in a game of H-O-R-S-E.
Introduce young players to the jump shot.
Give The Admiral a better fleet.
Suspend players who make shoe commercials before they make the All-Star team.
Cherish the player who can take off from the free-throw line as if jet propelled, the ball clutched in one hand, tongue dangling, legs churning, eyes flashing, body soaring high enough to defeat gravity and avoid a foul while scoring the basket that saves the day - and the sport.
Oh, I forgot. Michael Jordan doesn't live there anymore.
by CNB