
                         THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
                 Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, June 29, 1994                    TAG: 9406290027 
SECTION: DAILY BREAK                     PAGE: E5    EDITION: FINAL  
SOURCE: LARRY MADDRY 
DATELINE: 940629                                 LENGTH: Medium

THIS KIND OF VIRUS PACKS A VICIOUS BYTE

{LEAD} EVER HAD A bug in your computer?

Now that summer is here, the computer bugs have begun to hatch and are swarming over the landscape ready to ruin your picnic by biting your bytes or even walking away with your Apple.

{REST} What to do? The bugs or viruses will eat anything. That's why it's time for you to get a copy of The Computer Insectiary: A Field Guide to viruses, bugs, worms, Trojan horses and other stuff that will eat your programs and rot your brain.

Film critic Roger Ebert has matched wits with computer whiz John Kratz to bring a little mirth to computer malfunctions.

They have defined more than 200 of the bugs in ``The Computer Insectiary'' (Andrews and McMeel, $6.95).

Here are some I liked:

The Las Vegas Virus: You lose your whole system but get free drinks.

The Joan Rivers Virus: Takes command of built-in speakers, asking, ``Can we talk?''

Las Vegas Virus, Variant 2: It takes all your RAM, then extends you more RAM and takes that, too.

Ross Perot Bug, Error Variant: Replaces ``error'' messages in all programs with ``that dog don't hunt.''

The Henry Kissinger Virus: Lurks in background until something goes seriously wrong, then pops up as a dialogue box hinting that it may have the solution but will need to take over control of the computer.

McDonald's Virus: Every time you issue a command, system asks, ``Would you like fries with that?''

New York Virus: Affects only Macintoshes, enlarging the apple in the upper left-hand corner of the screen.

John Wayne Bobbitt Virus: Every time your computer wakes up, an important part is missing.

Texas Virus: Changes all occurrences of ``User Name'' to ``Bubba.''

David Letterman Virus, Variant 2: Does 10 stupid computer tricks.

Zucchini Virus: Gives you so much data you don't know what to do with it, so you start giving it away to anybody who'll take some.

Elizabeth Taylor Virus: Doesn't look a byte over 39K.

James Bond Virus: Licensed to kill data files.

by CNB