The Virginian-Pilot
                            THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT  
              Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Friday, July 15, 1994                  TAG: 9407150700
SECTION: SPORTS                   PAGE: C1   EDITION: FINAL 
SOURCE: BOB MOLINARO
                                             LENGTH: Medium:   68 lines

NOT BY THE HAIR ON HIS CHINNY-CHIN

Hair apparent: Considering the amount of media attention U.S. soccer player Alexi Lalas has received at the expense of his more talented teammates, it's surprising more athletes don't play in a clown's wig and goatee.

Grass backwards: Soccer fans are clamoring for clumps of the sacred sod on sale following the World Cup games at Giants Stadium, but it's the NFL players who will pay the stiffest price now that grass has given way to the awful artificial turf.

Home cooking: The only plausible reason for scheduling the Old Dominion-Virginia NIT basketball game in Charlottesville, instead of in bigger arenas in Richmond or Norfolk, is because U.Va. insisted on it. Big conferences receive preferential treatment.

Crowd pleasers: The Atlanta Braves have a prospect playing in Durham, N.C., by the name of Wonderful Terrific Monds III. Meanwhile, down in Macon, Ga., another Braves farmhand, a pitcher, goes by the name of Maurice Christmas.

Warning, sarcasm ahead: Only one problem with TV's coverage of the O.J. Simpson case - not enough speculation.

Cross dressing: Seattle Mariners pitcher Jim Converse wears Nike shoes.

Puttering around: Phoenix Suns officials, tired of hearing Charles Barkley complain about his aching back, want their meal ticket to show as much interest in therapy as he does in his back-to-back-to-back rounds of golf.

Prediction: Bobby Hurley will return to the NBA, but not in time to start next season.

History lesson: It was 25 years ago this month that Americans began to say, ``We can send a man to the moon, but we can't make decent airline food.''

Dollars and sense: Before the Baltimore Orioles could reschedule a rainout with the Cleveland Indians as part of a July 26 day-night doubleheader, they had to get the OK from the Orioles players and the players' union. For agreeing to do double duty, each Indians and Orioles player will receive an extra $2,000 from the Baltimore franchise. A pro athlete can never have too much tip money.

This year's model: Because of Buddy Ryan, the Phoenix Cardinals are the NFL team of the year before a game is played.

Still at it: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, on former coach Jimmy Johnson: ``He won me two Super Bowls? Hell, I won him two Super Bowls.''

Heard in the hall: Knock, knock. Who's there? O.J. O.J. who? Congratulations, you're on the jury.

Reality check: Considering what may happen to him in the Los Angeles courts, whether or not O.J. Simpson still deserves his place in the Pro Football Hall of Fame is a controversy too bogus to take seriously. Dare I say it? The Hall of Fame is irrelevant.

Better late than never: The Cleveland Indians owe their success over the first half of the season to comebacks. They've won 12 home games in the last at-bat.

Hanging out: World Cup soccer coaches don't look like they're doing anything during games except catching a few rays. Maybe, like our football coaches, they should wear headsets so that they look busy.

Something new: The first full-time American soccer academy, modeled after Nick Bollettieri's tennis boot camp, is expected to start up soon. How this impacts on U.S. fortunes is open to debate. Like our best basketball talent, the world's finest soccer players come from the street.

On second thought: From watching the World Cup, I'm tempted to revise my opinion that the world's fittest athletes are pro basketball players.

Wondering: Has the World Cup been a great success? Depends on whether you're willing to overlook one slain player and the disqualification of a superstar for using an illegal drug. You make the call. by CNB