THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, July 22, 1994 TAG: 9407200108
SECTION: CHESAPEAKE CLIPPER PAGE: 08 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY ROBYNE R. COOKE, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 115 lines
HE THREATENED TO rip her throat out. He slapped her, pushed her, raped her and repeatedly told her how stupid she was. For years, she stood meekly by her husband as he abused her.
``If I didn't move fast enough, he'd hit me,'' the Chesapeake woman said.
When she finally filed an assault warrant against him, she thought her troubles would end. But he was released on his own recognizance, and there was nothing to prevent him from contacting her.
She feared for her life.
Then Joyce Gilmer stepped in. Gilmer, a graduate student at Norfolk State University, had been working on a pilot program to help victims of abuse in Chesapeake. Gilmer told the woman about restraining orders and counseling programs. She told her about shelters and about the court system.
The victim, who did not want her name used, is now seeking a divorce from her husband of 23 years.
``They walked me through every step of the way,'' she said. ``I just didn't know what to do. When I went to court, thank God she was with me. His attorney was so rude to me, and I didn't have an attorney because I couldn't afford one.''
For the first 11 months of 1993, Chesapeake police received 5,937 calls reporting domestic incidents, according to a study by the Family Counseling office of the Chesapeake Court Services Unit. The study was used to determine whether the city needed a program for victims of domestic violence.
Although many of the reported domestic cases were non-violent, some were more serious, said Maritza Rodriguez, a city domestic counselor. Of those calls, 379 cases went to court.
``Every 12 to 15 seconds, a woman is battered in the United States,'' said Rodriguez.
But police officers' responses haven't always been in the best interest of the victims, both victims and counselors say.
``I learned that the legal system doesn't treat it as a crime - they treat it as a problem that can be worked out by consenting adults,'' Gilmer said.
A pilot program that began in January brought in a number of victims. Rodriguez and two fellow Chesapeake counselors, Kathy Transue and George Miller, will head up the new program, People Advocating in the Legal System, or PALS.
Once in place, the program, which is modeled after similar services in Virginia Beach and Norfolk, will give victims support, advice and referrals.
After victims - male or female - have filed for a protective order or complaint, they will be contacted by a trained volunteer. That volunteer will offer support and suggest shelters and programs for the victims, serving as a referral service.
In addition, educating the victims about abusive relationships may give them the opportunity to break the ``cycles of violence,'' counselors said.
``First, there is the honeymoon period, then the abuser becomes angry and frustrated,'' Rodriguez said. ``This is when the abuse occurs. Finally, the abuser becomes withdrawn and quiet. Then the cycle starts all over again. . . struggle with the issue of whether to leave him or stay.''
She stressed that the purpose of the program is not necessarily to encourage the victim to leave.
``We want to help them realize there are resources available to empower them,'' Rodriguez said. ``Only the victim can chose to leave. The victims that we have pretty much have no control. With this, they'll have outlets available to them.''
Contact between the volunteer and the victim can be as much or as little as needed. Some victims may have already made up their minds to leave and will merely need the name of the nearest shelter. Others may need the support of a friendly face while in court - another role for the volunteers.
Many victims are completely ignorant of how the courts work and are intimidated by the system.
``I had no family or friends in court with me because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone,'' said the victim. ``But when my husband goes to court, he looks like John the Baptist. He knows how to play the game.''
The woman credits Gilmer with helping her realize the abuse was not her fault. Because of the support she received, she finally began to tell family and friends what she was going through. That, in turn, led to encouragement from her co-workers, friends and even her boss, she said.
Gilmer, NSU graduate student Fay Bennett and the three other domestic counselors began researching how to get the program funded last September. Gilmer and Bennett - both studying for a master's degree in social work - spent long hours going through court files and the Family Counseling files to determine the need for such a program.
The pilot program, which ran from January to May, served 29 victims.
``It's ordinary people,'' Bennett said. ``It affects a wide variety of backgrounds. Most of the victims felt very much alone, and they don't want to talk to anyone about it. And most of them feel that the judicial system won't back them up.''
Although many of the victims returned to the abuser, about half began the process of separating, Gilmer said.
Both women received phone calls of thanks from victims who were helped through the program.
The proposal was rejected by the state due to lack of funds, but the program will still go into effect as early as this September, as soon as a volunteer coordinator is hired, Rodriguez said.
The coordinator, in turn, will be responsible for hiring and training the volunteers who will work one-on-one with the victims.
``We need to listen to them and let them know somebody cares. Because this can happen to anyone,'' Bennett said.
The victim said she never would have come through it all if it hadn't been for the counselors, who told her she was not to blame.
``They have to have this program,'' she said. ``I can't bear to think of someone going through what I went through without it. They wanted to help me so badly. Thank God, they were there.'' ILLUSTRATION: Staff photo by STEVE EARLEY
Left to right, counselor Maritza Rodriguez and NSU students Fay
Bennett and Joyce Gilmer helped start a program for victims of
domestic abuse.
KEYWORDS: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WIFE BEATING ASSAULT by CNB