THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, July 24, 1994 TAG: 9407240034
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON
LENGTH: Medium: 65 lines
Not long after he lost his job, William Glover rented the movie ``Mr. Mom.''
``I can do this,'' the 26-year-old father thought. ``No problem. Piece of cake.''
And what Glover discovered - within days - was that being a stay-at-home dad to three children, ages 7, 3 and 2, wasn't everything that Mr. Mom and Mrs. Doubtfire made it out to be.
It was darn hard work, unappreciated by most of the world. And there wasn't a laugh track. Just the kind of lessons stay-at-home moms have been learning for years.
Studies abound heralding the fact that more fathers are staying home to care for their kids. Which often leads us to think, ``How wonderful that fathers are more involved in parenting. Isn't it great that these children don't have to spend so much time in day care?''
But did Glover stay home because he wanted to instill values in his children? Because he wanted quality time with them? Because he believes there's no such thing as a ``substitute parent?'' No, he's home because he doesn't have a job. Like a lot of fathers in this era of downsizing, Glover is staying home for reasons out of his control.
Not that Glover doesn't see the benefits. He does. He now knows all his children's friends. Sees firsthand his daughter's incremental steps toward talking. Feels closer to his children.
But.
He still thinks it's not the macho thing to do. He's jealous of the hectic, interesting life his wife has at work while he's cooking and cleaning, with little to report at day's end. He's frustrated with the stay-at-home snail's pace that still manages to leave him utterly exhausted.
``Hey, Dad,'' the 7-year-old hollers from upstairs. ``The cat pooped in the bedroom again.''
``See?'' Glover says.
Glover admits he was never a '90s kind of dad. He places himself in the '70s-dad range. The kind that came home after work, watched TV, expected dinner on the table, and helped with housework only when asked. ``I was the kind of guy who would see a sink full of dishes and say, `Hey, can I get a clean glass?' ''
He cringes at the memory.
His is the other side of the hip, stay-at-home dad picture. This is the side with financial and marital stress, so much so that Glover and his wife have separated. The side where, deep down, the stay-at-home parent wants ``a real job.'' The side where children see their family fraying at the edges.
Our country doesn't place much value on bringing up a child. It only takes a quick salary comparison of bankers, developers and architects - people who work with money and bricks - with that of teachers, child-care providers and social workers - people who work with children - to see how kids rate.
What would make the situation better? Maybe if the rest of us appreciated what hard and important work it is to raise a child, day by day, minute by minute. If we would erase the gender stereotypes, call parenting what it is - a real job - and make it financially feasible to do it full time, maybe there would be more stay-at-home parents who really wanted to be there.
``Every father should take two weeks off, and instead of going to Disneyland, stay home, cook, clean and take care of the kids,'' Glover says. ``I guarantee you, he'd appreciate how much a mom does.'' by CNB