THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, July 31, 1994 TAG: 9407290278
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 07 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Opinion
SOURCE: BY N. LOGSDON MANDELKORN
LENGTH: Medium: 93 lines
I admit it. I spectated as O. J. made his last touchdown run along the Santa Monica freeway. All that hot Friday evening in June, I watched the television, marveling at the live media coverage of Mr. Toad's wild ride. After the first spate of lurid media accounts on the grisly, double homicide that took the lives of a 35-year-old woman and a 25-year-old man, I have managed to avoid most of this excessive and glitzy media trial.
Yet one issue tied to this trial en masse is actually receiving the attention it deserves: domestic violence. The question looms: ``Why wasn't this young mother safe in her own home?'' Follow-up stories on abused women abound. It's enough to make your average nice guy feel pretty bad - you know, guilt by association. And the defamation of a sports hero! This threatens to stigmatize the entire gender.
A few days after O. J.'s sprint, I received a call at work from a local television reporter. He was looking for a professor who could join a panel to discuss - imagine this - the ethics of the media's coverage of O. J.'s predicament. I called several faculty members to offer them this opportunity. One was out of town; the others replied, ``Thanks, but no thanks!''
The absent faculty member returned my call the next week. Given the heavy media saturation, we were unable to resist an opportunity to heckle their exploitation of this case. Then the conversation turned personal.
He, like most, was feeling pretty bad about the whole thing and inquired if I'd read a contrite column in that morning's paper. ``No,'' I told him, ``I haven't read it yet.'' He explained the gist of the column, which decried violence against women, adding that he agreed with the columnist. The male writer had made a valiant attempt to put things right between the genders by apologizing and imploring women to not lose faith in men. All men are not horrible monsters.
``That's nice,'' I said.
Then the imp of the perverse feminist possessed me, and I asked. ``But what about all those guys out there who are reading that column and thinking they're fine just because they don't hit their women? What about psychological or economic abuse?''
My discussant was taken aback. I was supposed to obliquely accept his indirect apology. And it was a sincere apology! Why was I letting anger spill out and ruin it?
He said, ``I'm a nice guy.''
Earnestly, I responded, ``I believe you're a nice guy!'' What I meant was: I wanted very much to believe that he and millions of other males are basically nice guys. But sometimes it's difficult for a female living in this world to keep believing and hoping. Looking through the glass basement ceiling can distort a woman's view.
But we can't mistake the death, devastation and destruction that we see on a global and personal level. Therefore, at the risk of having the reader dismiss this article as a feminist manifesto, I will offer my own apologia.
Why was our sports hero able to stalk, threaten and beat his ex-wife while the media, his employers and the judicial system looked the other way? You say, ``He was rich, famous and powerful.'' Is it that simple? Easier, yes. But countless other lesser-known males get away with domestic atrocities everyday. Perhaps it is as feminists suggest: Male privilege is endemic in our society. According to this view, all males enjoy the benefits of our male-controlled culture. Hence, they are perceived as tacit partners in the oppression of women.
I invite you to closely examine the male role in our culture and their resultant control and domination of women. He may not punch her in the face, but he expects her to selflessly serve him and the children. He may not rape her, but he won't let her have equal pay. He may not choke her, but he criticizes everything she says. He's the head of the household and his role is ordained by God himself!
Sisters, it is not enough to just vent our rage on unsuspecting nice guys who are midway through blanket apologies. It is not enough for these nice guys to simply apologize and take the fallout. Putting an end to this inequality means working for justice. Men and women, together, working - toward mutual respect and real equality. Men, especially you nice guys, put your words of apology into action! If you know a man who is beating a woman, do what you can to stop it. But don't stop there. Fight sexist injustice whether it's in the workplace, at home or in your soul. Enable women to join you as peers and co-creators of a brave new world where one gender does not oppress the other.
A tall order. Dare we hope? And what about the current affair? Will justice be served? Will we ever be liberated from the clutches of this case?
I confess, I have found it impossible to completely escape the media feeding frenzy. Two people had their throats cut. An All-American ``hero'' stands accused. Sports fans everywhere watch, breathless, waiting for the ref's decision. After that impressive touchdown run in a white Bronco, will the world cheer as O. J. spikes the ball, does a little dance, waves his arms at the crowd, smiles and walks away? MEMO: N. Logsdon Mandelkorn is a free-lance writer who lives in Virginia
Beach.
by CNB