THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, August 3, 1994 TAG: 9408030037
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E3 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: LAWRENCE MADDRY
LENGTH: Medium: 81 lines
THEY ARE great liars, especially to themselves.
They will bet you on what the weather will be like tomorrow . . . or the color of the gum ball that will drop next from a glass-dome dispenser.
And they will spend next week's grocery money at the 7-Eleven on lottery tickets.
Their marriages are on the rocks. Their jobs are at risk. And most are too proud to acknowledge there's a problem.
They are the compulsive gamblers. Only a few will seek help.
``My name is . . . I'm a compulsive gambler.''
At the fifth anniversary meeting of Gamblers Anonymous in Virginia Beach last Sunday night, about 20 men showed up. They were the rare ones: the gamblers who admitted they lacked the power to control their habit and their lives.
Butch was one. ``I'd take my whole paycheck and spend it in about an hour buying lottery tickets at the 7-Eleven,'' he said. ``If I hit for $100, I'd spend it buying more tickets.''
Jim, dressed in snappy running gear, looked too young to be a grandfather.
But he was. He talked about his high-rolling days years ago when he'd board a Lear jet for a casino and how he'd enjoyed the complimentary suites in the casino hotels.
For Jim, it wasn't the money he'd blown that was important. It was the time spent away from his family that he'd lost forever. Gamblers Anonymous had saved him, he said. ``Dammit we're sick!,'' he shouted. ``And we have to be doctors for each other.''
Harvey who founded the GA chapter, had once been $19,000 in debt to a gambling syndicate. ``I knew they were gonna break my leg or beat me up bad,'' he said. He had borrowed so much money no one wanted to see him coming down the street. Now, he's repaid the money, and he hasn't gambled in five years. But he never says he won't gamble again. He takes it one day at a time. Harvey believes the first bet to a problem gambler is like the first small drink to an alcoholic.
In the next room, the wives of the gambling addicts sat with the coffee and the cookies, speaking softly, some holding kids on their laps. The addiction may be hardest on the spouses.
``They are all great liars,'' one wife said. ``It destroys trust. . . . You never know what's going on. . . . My husband told me the paycheck money wasn't there because he had loaned it to a man from the office who was in the hospital.'' Usually the wives insist on GA. They say: ``Go to the meetings. Try and help yourself or I'm out of here and taking the kids with me.''
How many compulsive gamblers are out there? Gamblers Anonymous believes there are at least a million in the United States. To better understand what makes compulsive gamblers tick, I phoned Dr. Charles Parker, a psychiatrist. He's a local expert on addictive behavior who treats compulsive gamblers as part of his practice at the Virginia Beach Psychiatric Center.
The doctor says that because compulsive gambling is an attempt to avoid reality, the small percentage seeking help is not surprising. ``The appeal of the gambling is in pulling yourself out of a hole and changing reality dramatically,'' Parker said.
There are rich people who gamble compulsively and poor people who do the same. And the reason those in all economic classes do it, Parker says, is a lack of self-esteem.
``I know of a senior person in a large firm in Tidewater who is making over $100,000 a year,'' Parker said. ``His family loves him. His boss loves him. But he always goes for the big pot when he gambles. His fundamental problem is that he somehow feels inferior and wants to win because he thinks it will make him feel superior and more comfortable. But even when such people win, they don't feel more comfortable. They have to do it again.''
If the root cause of compulsive gambling is a feeling of inferiority, why do so many of the heavy gamblers we know seem to have a cockiness, a swaggering self-confidence?
``Yes,'' Dr. Parker conceded. ``The swagger is an attempt to deny vulnerability. If you're really secure, you don't have to act like a hot dog. And all hot dogs are insecure.''
The doctor believes Gamblers Anonymous is an effective tool for people who have lost control of their lives because of the addiction. If you'd like to join up, the number to phone is 425-6412. Harvey says to phone at any time - night or day. by CNB